Divorced, but 'still hopeful' to reconcile.

[still hopeful]

JOURNALING:

Went to dinner with XW and our children for Valentine's Day at the request of XW. While at dinner, XW hands her cell phone to D8 and D8 starts texting with the D13 (Brit, sexually active child with a single father who neglects her) of XW's ex-DH#4. I ask XW,

Me: What D8 is doing?
XW: She's probably texting.
Me: Is this something you allow at the dinner table? Texting with whom?
XW: Brit.
Me: I have concerns about D8 having unmonitored time or conversations with Brit. I've told you that. (D8 still has the phone and is continuing to text.)
XW: I keep a very close eye on our children. I haven't even been in contact with Brit in 3 weeks. (Of course, I don't know this to be true, but I find it strange that D8 is regularly texting Brit using XW's phone when I am present.) You don't even have a right to say anything with how things have been going.
Me: (Knowing my 2 children are across the table.) I think you need to spend some time thinking about what you just said to me. Then I was quiet and finished my dinner.
XW: Asking D8, does Brit say anything inappropriate or things she's not supposed to?
D8: No
Me: I'm still quiet, wondering what would possess XW to ask an 8-year old if her idolized 13-year old friend says anything inappropriate or wrong when they talk or text. I know D8 worships Brit and would never sell her out. In addition to that, whatever Brit says D8 thinks is 'cool.' Not gonna get a straight answer out of an 8-year old, that much I know. D8 doesn't want to lose access to her older buddy.

XW went on about her business being pissed off about me expressing my concern about D8's unfettered access to Brit, which in my mind is not conducive to our behaving like loving, concerned parents. XW believes that I should defer to her judgment about people and who she brings around our children after her parade of DH's and other 'good friends' who I knew from the get go were not good people and that has all been borne out. But again, I didn't say that XW couldn't continue on in the relationship of this 13 year old misguided little girl, I simply told her I had a concern about D8 being left alone with Brit and didn't want them having unmonitored conversations.

Throughout our entire separation, D, and aftermath, including XW moving DH#3, the real-life little criminal with whom she made TWO domestic violence calls to the Sheriff, I never once told her that she didn't have a right to tell me anything. If I sound a little bent, I am. XW has the gall to text me the following: I'm done trying with you." I simply responded with an, "OK" text. Thank you, frank_D. A bit later, I left her a VM asking her to call me back. She probably won't, because she believes she is right, and the two glasses of wine she had at dinner plus her back ache won't do anything to dissuade her from that opinion.

I do know that I will get a call this weekend for her to apologize. As of this moment, I am not of the mind to accept her apology because it won't be to set thing right and show remorse for her behavior towards me in front of our children, plus telling me that I don't have a right to express my concern for our D8. This has generally been a rinse and repeat cycle for her and I am tired of alternating between being the whipping post and the leaning post. I want to be kind, and I don't want to punish her, but my hope is that she will see that reacting the way she does is counterproductive and hurtful. I know, wish on....

Well, we'll see. But I know I am right that I will receive a phone call apology. I am looking for direction on how to respond to it. Bring up what was said to me? Not? I simply need to enforce my boundaries for acceptable behavior towards me when we're alone and when we're in the presence of our children. I know it's not a lesson for me to teach her, but enforcing my boundaries will certainly send a message that XW cannot ignore.