I'm tempted to ask her to talk more about the emotional abuse so I can understand more of what I did that made her feel that way. What do you think?
I don't think that's a good idea right now. She seems to be bringing it up without you asking. It is a good sign that she feels like she can do that. Just keep listening when she raises it without raising it yourself.
You don't want her to feel pushed or pressured into talking. Also, she already has plenty of hurts that will come to mind. If you ask for more, that may increase her already narrow focus on what was "wrong" and possibly even lead her to search her memory banks for more.
If you simply let her talk when she wants to, hopefully you guys will string together more positive moments in between talks about the past. You don't want to make the relationship all about dealing with the bad stuff. Unless it seems important to her that you use the "a" word (abuse"), I would steer clear of it.
Do you know if she read any books about emotional abuse? If so, you might want to read the same ones. It could give you a sense of where she's coming from.
