OK, now breathe in and out. So much to respond to but will keep it brief because you are on overload. I hear a pattern in your R. She wants you to do more and when she threatens is how she gets it. But what does she get? You on overload and crash/burn. Back to ground zero. What could you change in this pattern? What would you tell your best friend to do differently? Obviously, you both have to come to some agreement on what changes would make a difference. She can't expect all and you can't do it all.
Secondly, don't worry about her stuff - I know it affects you but that is what it means to be two separate individuals, joining in M is about - the two become one - a team effort in running the show- not one or the other. If you want to work on the M then do so regardless of the eventual outcome - not knowing and trying to adjust everyday doesn't work.
Third point, if you are distant? Why? Does she not want you? Or do you not want her? Are there ways to warm things up? You won her heart in the first place and kept her around this long? You must know she likes. You also have to be prepared to be ok if she is gunshy too. Life has no promises - live what you can today.
