To Sara - yes - I'd be more than grateful for your input and observations... really I would... and any others...
In my previous existence I was GFI now GFI2 - cos of computers!
I really wasn't trying to antagonise people - but trying to point out the subtle difference between "telling" a person what they should do - which we can all too easily fall into versus observing/coaching...
Sara - I think we are all so very much caught up with the "want" to help and offer "help", and to help make things right that there are occasions when we just simply come out with "best friend" advice...
I was trying to say that maybe, just maybe - that's not what this board is all about... and that to do the advising, the "this is what I would do" is contrary to the DB principles...
Now you, like me, may well think that this can be set aside now and again - but it did seem to me that some folks on this board at that time were offering "advice" - which had an authority- but was yet had none...
For me - that is a very very questionable.
Folks can tell us about their experiences - fine...they can offer advise - fine - when they offer truisms - no... they cannot possibly know.
Sara - I think that the challenging of a POV is one of the useful things we can do...
I'm very sorry if i did it in an insensitive way - it was not at all intended as such...
I just rail at things which are laid down as truisms, when they might, or might not be true... Words are very powerful things...sentences, sentiments take on a force that sometimes are beyond the speaker's/writer's intention but yet are taken on as "real".
As I saw it - I was simply warning about that effect.
But - hey - ho! The weekend is here - and I hope you have a great weekend!
I'm a warm, wonderful guy who loves everybody for what they are and what they have to offer to the world!
How bout this:-
"42 year old, 1 son - light of his life, would like to meet - fit, outgoing, outdoor loving (walking at least - ideally mountains, canoeing, tris and biking), badminton playing, educational professional - WLTM...
No, you dont need to justify it, you made some very clear and long overdue observations! Of course everyone posts with their own experience, but I for one, try very hard to read each persons individual sitch and try and put myself in their shoes, see what they are stuck with and try and offer a solution, that may work for them, rather than just state with some authority what I think their ex is thinking/feeling! And lets face it, none of us know that, not even the WAS probably know how they think/feel !
Your comments were very welcome and a good reminder we are here to help one another, not hinder!
And as for the above.. is that an ad you are thinking of placing? Good for you, you have grown so much through your pain of this S from your W, who I know you would rather win back, had you the choice, but you are also a great catch for some lucky lady!
So, got started on my garden! Cleared a lot of my garden out - this was in a real state as the guy who was in the house before me was elderly i think and although its clear he loved his garden - judging by the layout and number of pots and semi-started projects around was unable to keep on top of it in the last few years...Sorted out a few veg patches, cleared a load of "dead wood" out - H has loved helping with that and there's plenty of room for me to set aside quite a large patch for him to call his own...there's still masses to do and i need to figure out what to do with the 2 large piles of debris i've collected - can't burn it cos I'm in a smoke controlled area - so thinking about hiring a shredding/chipping machine rather than cart it off to the tip...H and I have planted a speculative bed of peas and potatoes under cover today and started digging out a second pond we found.
Played badminton again with H today - he's getting good! And seems to be acquiring quite a taste for it! I need to beat him though soon! Cos at the moment he's becoming quite used to "winning!" Its a fine line to draw - I don't want to crush his confidence and enthusiasm but at the same time i need him t deal with the fact that sometimes you come second!
Have not had much contact with my W - pretty utilitarian - in respect of H only. Thats been good for me and now I have the garden under "semi" control and the house in more order + have regular GALing activities for me only rather than trying to "impress" it feels like a kind of acceptance with things - in that I have started to carve out things for me rather than feel like i am in the self imposed h�ll of limbo and wondering all the time.
Note to self though! I still love my W - and think she is the most gorgeous (in all ways) woman I have ever met - I love it that she's still part of my life...and note that its now 2 months since we had anything like a cross word or difficult conversation - in fact anything but - I also note that we're managing to co-parent H incredibly well - he's blossoming and he's a joy to see...
Still that doesn't take away the pain of knowing that the woman I had hoped to see the sunrises and sunsets with is not with me.
