For example, do I think that the wife thinks that I've given up on her? On our marriage? Do I think that the wife thinks that I'm okay with what she has done or is doing?
I know that she thinks that I think that this is all about OM. That she left me for him. She keeps telling me that that isn't what it was about. But don't they all say or believe that?
Last night, she paid for the food. I had gone to get the ice cream cake and cards. We had a good time. Towards the end, the kids were walking around in and out of the place. I chatted a little with the wife. We talked about work and some other stuff. We talked about D7 being sick. I asked what happened when she had tried to call her mom to try to pick up D7 for us. By then, the kids were back sitting down with us.
The wife went into an explaination of how her mother is not a reliable person. Her and S14 also told a story about a recent telephone conversation with her went. The wife's little sister as well. Several examples. S14 is NOT happy with his grandma. I began to say that it has always been that way. The only people that we are really able to rely on was sitting at the table. We had to rely on each other. D11 then mentioned how messed up her mothers side of the family was. The wife agreed with her.
The wife then says how D11's grandmother is just in her own little world, because of the man she has chosen to be with.
??????? I always hold off on truth darts when the kids are around.
I also let D11 know that my side of the family has its own issues, too.
D11 says, "Our family is messed up". She looks dejected.
The wife didn't hear exactly what she said. The wife says,
"My family has its issues and your dads family has issues".
D11 repeats herself. "OUR family is messed up!"
The wife asks her what she means. D11 isn't talking. The wife keeps asking what she means, but D11 keeps quiet. I finally say in defense of D11, "She doesn't like to talk about it", and give D11 a shoulder rub. The look on the wife's face was like she was daring D11 to say something so she could start with her explaining. How yes, it was ALL her fault. She's the one that caused it all. Blah, blah. She knew it with out having to say it. We ALL knew it with out her having to say it.
We all changed the subject. It was a Bday after all. The kids ended up walking around again. The wife talked about how she might need help on the 24th because she will be retaking that test at work again. The one she failed a few months ago. She was supposed to retake it in December but they never set it up. Checking my phone, I told her that the girls would be with me any way. She then asked me if I worked this Saturday. I told her I was off. She said that she had to work and if I could pick up the girls Saturday morning like I did the other week, since S15 was going to have several friends spending the night Friday night. She didn't want the girls there with all the boys, alone.
I kept looking at my phone calendar saying, "Uhh....mmmmm". Like I was checking my schedule.
Of COURSE I'm going to pick up the kids!
She says, "If you don't have anything planned, I mean. If you do, then...." "No....I think I can get them. I don't THINK I have anything planned yet." I'm still looking at my phone.
She also got several calls and texts. She never looked at her phone until we were discussing her mother. S15 was saying how disappointed he was with his grandmother, she hadn't even called to tell him happy bday. She looked at her phone to check if maybe she called her phone. She looked at it, scrolled and said that her little sister had texted something, but nothing from her mom. She then put her phone right away.
Thinking back, the family discussion was the last things that we talked about before we left. We had already discussed me picking up the girls Saturday, when the discussion about her mom came up and then the thing with D11.
When we finally left, you could tell that she was forced to face a reality that D11 is NOT all hunky dory with what she has chosen. That D11 DOES have an issue with our separation. The WW always thinks that the kids are resilient and will get through it all with flying colors. She got another small dose of the reality of things. Trying to clear the table, she was a bit angry and throwing things around.
Outside the restaurant, I was talking to S15 about how I couldn't believe how old he was and started talking about old memories of the beginnings of our little family. The nicknames I used to call him. Some specific memories of the 3 of us having a blast together playing in a play tent filled with plastic balls that we used to have when he was 2. The wife was listening in. She remembered. I was reliving a few things with him. Then I started having fun with the girls. Them hanging on me. Jumping on me. Tickling each other, as usual. After about 15 minutes of that, I told them they had to get going. I put them in the car, but D7 was all worked up and wanted to keep on playing. Lots of goodbyes and I love you's. I told S15 happy bday again and that I loved him, I closed the doors and walked to my car.
The girls rolled down the windows and were waving and yelling goodbye to me. I followed the wife, since we had to go the same way. On the road, the girls were still waving. I pulled beside them at the light and I waved back. The wife and I even had a little drag race, until we got to her entrance to the apartment. Turning in, she flashed her brights at me as I continued on and gave a final wave out the window.
And I went home.
Alone.
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
Me too! I miss your long rambly posts!!! How's your work and love life and family doing??? I know you're working hard, but take a break once in a while! Karen
I've been in contact with beej. Kat, I'm just gonna use the email I sent to you today to update.
"A lot has happened recently. I've been emailing Beej because she saw something I put on FB.
Long story short(I always say that, don't I?) I flipped my Explorer upsidedown Saturday night, or shall I say Sunday morning. 5am, going too fast, my mind not too clear(uh huh, I wonder why?). Ambulance, ER, CTscan. Literally, not a scratch on me. GBG picks me up(first one I thought of) and she takes me to spend the night at her place.
On the way to her place, we had a talk. She said she thinks she made the right decision, OM IS helping her out a lot financially and that he says he loves her. We talked for a while.
Come to find out later, she had rented "Fireproof" the night before but didnt watch it, so as it turned out, by chance, that we started to watch it together that evening. Only problem is she fell asleep almost half way through. Not sure if she ended up watching it all. The next day, got kids going to school, made them breakfast, made GBG lunch and I took her to work and kept her car and did some running around. We all had dinner that Monday night at her place(which I made) and then my sister picked me up and has been staying with me so that we can carpool.
Hopefully will have a check from ins by next week. Questioning a lot of things right now. She called me Tuesday to see if I needed a ride or anything. We've talked a little everyday about normal stuff, like we usually do. She kept the kids this week, until I get situated with a car.
Today she forwarded me a cute email and I responded back of course. She just responded to me again while writing to you.
So thats what going on with me lately.
You?
I plan on sending her a long email Friday night for Valentine/Anniversay. How I feel about her but also how I feel about our sitch. Beej seemed to like it."
Started the day off with and email that she had forwared to me. It was titled Screen cleaner. It was a video shot of a puppy licking the computer screen from the inside of your computer.
I responded by telling her,
"I told you I get my emails sent to my cell phone. I thought I felt something sloppy in my pants pocket :)"
She sent back, "I dont get it, I dont want to get it" She also talke about getting a loaner car and that she was late going into work. She had taken D7 to give a urine sample but she couldnt go while at the office. They had tried water running and everything.
I sent back, "The puppy....cell phone in my pocket....nevermind." I told her that I wished I could be helping, that I felt helpless because I'm having to rely on my sister to get around with her car, sorry that she was taking on extra load with the kids. I told her how bad I felt. I also told her that I couldn't believe that I survived my second flipping of a vehicle with out a scratch. That I must be here for some purpose.
She sent back that there was no extra load. She loves her kids and its her job, anyway. She scolded me that I should have spent the night where I was or had a designated driver and that I was lucky that I wasn't badly hurt. She told me to not feel bad, things happen.
I sent her back, "Well, thanks for the email. I did need it today. I miss the kids."
The email she sent to me while I was writing to kat said that I could borrow her car on Friday so that I could get to work on Saturday and then to get the girls around for the weekend.
I emailed her back that I didn't want to leave her without her car and then have to be dependent on someone else to get around. I told her that my sister was going to lend me her car for the weekend and thanked her for her offer, though. I then asked her to talk to D11, whose Bday is Sunday, about going out to eat together at a Olive Garden like she wanted.
What a crazy last seven days.
I'll get back on track.
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
Still wondering if she ever watched all of Fireproof and what she thought about it.......
This may sound kinda wierd, but I'll be thinking about you on Valentine's Day. I think it will be a tough one for you. Make sure you have plans with some guy buddies or with your girls.
It's already being tough. I just feel it building. Just have to keep my emotions in check.
I called my girls last night while on the way home. While talking to D7, we're telling each other that we miss each other. She was working on her Valentine's day cards to her class mates. I remind her that I was going to pick her up on Saturday after I get off work. She mentions that she wants me to, but mom had mentioned something about going to the rodeo that day.
Now, I had already told the wife that I wanted to pick up the girls when we spoke on Wed evening. She had hesitated when I told her, but then agreed. I thought her hesitation was odd. I said good bye to D7 and asked her to put her mom on the phone.
"Your taking the kids to the rodeo?" "I told them that if you didn't plan anything, that we could go." "I told you that I wanted to pick them up after I get off work." "Then pick them up."
I was getting frustrated by her even mentioning it to the girls, when she knew I wanted them. We spoke about the girls day. Considering the emails we had exchanged earlier in the day, she was sounding a little pissy, maybe frustrated. Short. I reminded her to let them know I would pick them up on Saturday and she told me that they'll be ready.
"Did you want to talk to anyone else?"
She sounds frustrated.
"Yeah, let me talk to S15."
We talked about his day for a while and told about his weekend plans. I told him that I missed him and was sorry I couldn't get them for my week this week. He said he missed me too.
I have tweaked my email to her and will send it tonight sometime. I'm telling myself it will be the last one I send to her concerning us.
It's time to take care of myself and focus on my life.
I'll take my girls out somewhere on Saturday. Maybe the movies, then cook them a great dinner. Steaks and shrimp, maybe.
Then, we are planning on having an early family dinner at Olive Garden, I believe. Just the five of us.
Hey Flynny,
"...just wish I hadn't taken all that COUGH medicine this morning...."
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
It's time to take care of myself and focus on my life.
Yes!!! It is. Everyone has to get there at their own pace. Can't make you get there any faster. Will you slip...every now and again but keep this close to your heart and you will be fine. Focus on healing you. Focus on the kids.
You are going to be fine, better than fine actually. Hugs,
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
I'm still looking at my phone.
Karen
