My Sad WAH Story: Is there Hope?

[MomInPain]

Well, Most of today was spent crying.
Seems like I'm back to square one. Like it all just happened.

My step mil had some interesting insight.
She seems to think and agree that H is in MLC, among many other issues.

I really need that magic pill now.

[Forrest Gump]

"I really need that magic pill now."

I hate to tell you.. there is no magic pill.

"She seems to think and agree that H is in MLC, among many other issues."

MLC.. and a WAS.. have very similar "symptoms". But they are different. MLC is centered around "getting old". WAS is centered on the OP "getting old". You will see some things that line up with MLC. I would suspect that there is a MLC group here.. because some people will be affected by it. IMHO.. you have a WAS. Not a MLC'r. You can fight a WAS. You cannot fight a MLC'r.

"Sometimes you confuse me but I do get what you are saying."

It is written that way... or it is intentional. The confusion part. A big part of this walk.. is figuring things out for you and your "stitch". So.. again.. in that train of thought.. Who are you. Who do you want to be. How do you want to be "seen".

"Basically, time heals everything and no matter what happens, I will be OK."

Yes.. and No.

I think time will tell you what to do.

Cause you have a choice in all this "stuff".

The healing comes from making choices that.. well.. follow what you believe. You.. really are OK now. You are "here" you are posting.. and you get up every morning and do your thing. Honestly.. I think that the people with "heart" in life.. end up posting "here".

"he delivered D papers."

This changes things some. You need to be careful. You need to protect what you have.

"I don't want to fight anymore. So I signed."

This statement right here.. provokes me to say.. Find a L.. and explain the situation.. and NEVER.. sign anything "because".

Do not become a victim here. Cause you might be headed that way.

Again.. just to point out the obvious.. people don't "call" on me.. for support.. they "call" on me when the sh*t is about to hit the fan.

You knew this was coming.. or you would not have reached out. That says a lot to me. And it peaks my interest.

I just want to say.. and I know it seems "cocky" but.. I know who I am.. and what I want people to see me for.

Who do you want to be?

--------------------------

The papers really do change things.. and you need a 2nd look at them. Don't know what state (the state you live in) you are in.. but get some help with this unless you are OK with it all 110%

[MomInPain]

If I actually hire an A and fight for better spousal maint and CS doesn't that pretty much put any hope for us in the crapper, or are we already there?

He has given me everything in the house and the house. 1/2 of the 401k and 1/2 of his pension which he only paid into for 10 years (these I will not get for quite a while, probably years).

With that also comes a house payment so I will be living on about 1,000 a month. That will have to cover all bills and food. I really don't think I can do this. As a family we could barely make it on 4,000 a month now I'm supposed to make it on 1/2 of that with only one member of the family gone.

Something just doesn't sit right with this.

Do I really want to fight for a man who up and leaves like this? I am really trying to rack my brain as to why I miss him and still love him. It's fading quick.

[MomInPain]

[Puppy Dog Tails]

MIP,

I just read your thread, and I'm really sorry to see you in this pain. Your post about being without a Valentine this year made me cry.

I want to second what the others have said -- GET LEGAL REPRESENTATION, IMMEDIATELY! A good family law attorney, preferably one who specializes in "women's right." Your husband's "offer" stinks to high heaven: he's basically offering to "give" you stuff you already have a legal right to (1/2 the marital property). Sorta like selling the land back to the Indians, don'tchathink?

You are due some sort of spousal support, and it seems to me like he's trying to get you to agree to NONE.

DO NOT SIGN ANYTHING.

Hugs,

Puppy, who hopes his wife doesn't mind if I offer to be your Valentine

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Not sure what state you are in, but in my state (Florida), 15 years is considered a "long-term" marriage, and you're eligible for PERMANENT (as in forever), alimony. I don't necessarily AGREE with that, as a man, but that's what it is and some other states are similar.

A good family law atty will have expertise in to what extent your relationship with your husband counts as 18 years, 12 years, or something in between.

Also, he will absolutely have to pay child support. It's a basic formula, and it's almost NEVER negotiable.

So, spousal support (alimony), and child support. Now, a judge may count the second 1/2 of the house that he's giving you as spousal support, but it will have ZERO to do with child support (which is to pay your kids' basic monthly living expenses and needs).

What is your financial situation?

Puppy

[MomInPain]

Puppy,

Sorry I made you cry, Vday sucks this year. Tell your wife I said thank you for sharing. lol We are in WA state.

Ok so here's how he figured out CS and Alimony. He did the CS worksheet with an A during a free consultation. From that he figured he would have to pay about 850 a month for 2 kids. Then he took that figure and added what would equal the house payment after our refi goes through. So spousal support is 650 a month.
Now I receive 900 a month for SS disability so I'd have to be able to pay all of our bills plus food with 1100 a month.

Here's the thing though. With our refi, there is no equity in the home. There are about 15,000 in work that needs to be done before we can even think about selling. I can't afford or even have the ability to do this work myself.

This leaves me feeling stuck and getting the shaft.

Why? Because the reason our refi mortgage is at 160,000 is because the last equity loan we took out paid off both vehicles and 2 credit cards. So I get a house with 0 equity and he gets all of the toys minus my car and no house payment. He doesn't have to worry about upkeep, or finishing the playhouse he started building for his kids. He doesn't have to worry about the rotting floor in the bathroom or the black mold on the ceiling.

I have a lot of thinking to do. One choice is not taking his offer and moving into a rental with my kids. He would gladly take this offer, of course. Taking care of a house isn't a problem for mr. manly. DAM.
Another choice is trying to squeeze more $$ out of him.
And another choice is to own the house together and work on it together and once we sell it split the equity. ?? That way I know the work will get done.

God if he would just pull his head out of his ass he would see what a huge mistake he is making. Just stick with us for a couple more years until I finish school. Things always get better in time. Why can't he see that? Once I graduate I'll be able to completely support us, I could be his sugar mama! I could take care of him for a change.

I'm tired, I'm sick. I don't want to do this anymore.

[MomInPain]

Well Vday is almost over.
No calls from the kids (they are with their dad this weekend).
No calls from friends (everyone has a valentine).

But I feel like I've turned a corner.

I'm ready to let go, and drop the rope completely.

I am worth so much more than he has given me all these
years. I deserve to be loved and cared for unconditionally!

I saw a quote in a post sig today, can't remember who's it was but it really touched me:

"When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile."

So I'm going to smile and remember how much I have and how lucky I am to be able to live each and every day even if it's not how I imagined it would be.

[MomInPain]

I really feel like I've turned a corner.

I have a plan, I don't want the house.

I'm going to see an A this week and talk over what
I might be entitled too.

Then I'll present it to H. Let's see how he likes it.

I don't think he will but that's what he gets for thinking he
could dump his problems and run away.

[MomInPain]

Ok, I am officially switching to my other thread:

H has officially filed for D