Confused, you mentioned emotional abuse in your marriage. Have you read "Love without Hurt" by Steven Stosny? It's a great book with a program for changing those dynamics in a marriage. There is a section for wives and a "bootcamp" for men. I have found it very helpful and my H is doing the work now.
I wouldn't recommend that you try to get her to read it, but if she sees that you are reading it, she might become interested. The exercises for wives have helped me identify and heal the hurt I have felt in the marriage.
