Purple, before 2 days ago, he did not "want" to go to any C.
We did have a conversation several days ago, I'm not exactly sure which day, but he asked me "what if I go back to J & she says I'm healthy, or what if I go once a month".
In my opinion, he was still trying to negotiate down my request. Which is fine.
Doc has taught both of us..... give enough information so the other person knows where you're coming from, make a specific request. Then the other one can answer.... yes, no, maybe, or it sucks to be you.
Basically H was always answering "it sucks to be you" by his non-action.
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
<<Dare I say abuse is flying in both directions. So you are BOTH not emotionally healthy and assertive enough as a result.
Sorry, but you're wrong here.
<<but there's probably some validity in your H's perceptions of you
<<The IC will mostly validate him.
what would be wrong with the IC validating him if there is some validity in his perceptions ??
<<Its bad enough you have Doc doing this for you.
Doc has 25 years experience in cognitive behavioral therapy. He doesn't validate my incorrect or unhealthy "perceptions" he helps me change my behavior so that my unhealthy patterns that haven't worked for me in the past, are replaced with healthy positive behaviors.
Doc is good. He's very good. I've been to several therapists over the past 18 years. He knows his stuff.
keep up the dialogue tho, it helps me to know where there are chinks in my armor.
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
Stuck........ now you suggest it...... dang it. lol
Never heard of that disease, in all my medical reports.
You're right tho. We both need time to think.
take care
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
After talking with Doc yesterday, I decided to call H & offer a proposal.
I told H that I was prepared to move out, but since neither of us have a paycheck at the moment, that wasn't very smart. If I moved out, it would just deplete our savings faster. I said I did not want to share a bed right now, & if he would agree to sleep anywhere but our bed, I would stay in the home. He agreed.
I like it when people start to use the term "I decided".. Excellent choice of words telling him what you wanted. In these situations, each and EVERY word is very very important. One wrong word can ruin an otherwise wonderful statement. Good job. I notice that "he agreed"..... Very good.
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He e-mailed me today, & told me that he had IC today at 5 pm.
That was probably the first available appointment the IC had. Remember... He did this without any pressure from you. Matter of fact, it happened rather quickly once the pressure stopped. Try to keep this in mind.
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I'm not afraid of this. I moved out at 16, & lived alone til 25. I also got an e-mail from the police dept. After reviewing my application, they've invited me to the next step towards employment.
Good. That takes one important factor out of the equation.
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Doc says any change can be viewed as a threat or an opportunity. I see opportunity.
This Doc seems to know his stuff. Excellent advice and excellent thoughts by you on how you are viewing change.
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I feel amazingly good & strong.
(analogy for you to chew on) When you fly with the eagles you will notice that there are only other eagles around you. You will recognize other eagles and realize that even though there are not many of them, that it is beyond our understanding how good it feels to be one. Keep flying with the eagles. You will recognize them when you meet them.
Were you in a multi level marketing business years ago ?? You & I see to have read the same books & have the same analogies.
LOL
Do you know the story about crabs in a bucket..... ?
If you put one crab in a bucket, he will climb out & get away. If you put two or more, when one climbs up, the others will pull him back in.
I'm tired of being pulled back down.
Hugs
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
I'm doing great. My parents, S18, his girlfriend, D14, S13, & S9 & I had a fabulous time last night celebrating S18's b-day & me finishing school.
I'm sleeping better, eating better, & the stress is way down. D14 noticed I was singing to the car radio yesterday, & playing music as I cooked for the party. Both older kids helped clean house without being asked !!!
The only sad part for S was, H got home late, & missed most of it.
H e-mailed me a very brief summary of IC & told me his next appointment is Thursday.
I'm feeling pretty zen.
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
OMG, cookie...I was just thinking about those crabs in the bucket today.
Damn crabs.
Kick those damn crabs in the face !!
Hugs
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
When H & I first married, I thought he was the healthy one. I thought he would rescue me & we'd be together forever.
I now realize, we have to rescue ourself. No one can rescue us, they can only irritate us enough to make us want to rescue ourself.
I have rescued myself. I do feel whole, complete, happy & secure with myself & my decisions. I feel that I am taking the time to throughly think things through. I am being patient to look at things from all angles.
H & I talked very briefly last night. His focus seems to be talking to HIS counselor about MY stuff.
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
The road to self recognization starts by blaming someone else! Eventually people realize that when they point the finger, the rest of the fingers face them. Glad to hear your husband is taking this step and that you have more and more zen moments.
