stella: dancing in limbo

[stella_k]

Hello (((all))).

I want to share a story, I find it inspiring!

I've met my childhood friend last week, we were very close since pre-school and then we've lost track of each other for nearly 15 years. A few years ago someone told me my F was Dd. She got M very early, she was only 20 and her H was 19. I loved them both and the news saddened me very much. However when we'met she mentioned her H casually as if they were still together. Of course I wanted details!

Now yesterday she came over for tea. It turned out her H had a MLC in 2001, after 25 years of M.
Pink and orange shirts, new car, secret account (while she and D17 were struggling), alien look, OW, you name it. He kept lying about the A for a year, then OW CALLED my F (!), the truth came out and her H left. My friend pushed for D and in 2002 it was final (now she says she regrets it).

And then she started DBing! My F never heard of DB, she just felt like it was right thing to do. She had terrible meltdowns, but never in front of her H. He was coming over all smartened up and acting a very happy man. She acted as if, listened to him, validated his feelings ("you never loved me. Your D was first, then your Mom, then your cat" ) and GAL. D17 took it so badly, she refused to speak with her dad. They were both devastated, but slowly it started to get easier for both of them. She met a guy who was very much interested in her but she turned him down, told him she's still in love with her H. I guess it helped her PMA though. During the 4th year of separation F and D moved into a new home. By then D was in college and was sharing a flat with friends, so my F was pretty much on her own.

Two weeks after the move, H came over and wanted to stay a night. She never asked a que - what a woman! - but let him stay in a spare room. He remained there for a few days, no R talk, nothing. Obviously very much embarassed. My F went about minding her own business and pretty much ignoring his presence. Finally he received a phone call, spent an hour locked in the room with his cell and left. All that without a word. A week later he reappeared, carrying a suitcase, went right into his room and stayed there for another week. His wife kept ignoring his presence, being friendly but distant, offering him dinner when she was cooking, never asking a thing.
After 3 weeks of going back and forth (every time bringing more of his stuff), he stayed. After a while he asked my F if she'd remarry him and she said NO. She explained that the D hit her so hard, she just won't be able to survive another one. I think she wanted to make sure he's back for real.
It's been 3 years now and they're still together and they're good! The only thing which is not so good is that he took to drinking while in MLC and he's still drinking too much...
My F has told me: Stella, now is YOUR time, try to enjoy it. I understand that you want your H back so badly, you can hardly think about anything else. But once your H's back, you start missing the "Me" time a lot!

Next week I'm going to their place for dinner and staying overnight, I'm so curious to see them together! May be I can even talk to him separately and hear his part ogf the story.