Aud, I had my IC session yesterday. I haven't seen him since last July. I'm glad that I'm getting live support from someone who knows my situation, as it seems like there is some potential for connection and change with my situation. I want to handle it as skillfully as possible.
He made some interesting observations:
He thinks my W's relationship with the puppy is telling. He thinks that if we had children, it would be the same. I would be the one connected to the children, as she has a low tolerance for the work involved.
He thinks my W has intimacy issues, and that her way to connect is sexually.
He recommended a DVD movie called Fireproof. It's about a troubled marriage. I'll look into it.
He advocated for calling the police, or leaving the premises when she has her long, intense rants. I don't agree with calling the police, as I don't fear for my physical safety.
I'll approach it as IC, and my space for now. If my W shows interest in going, I won't discourage it. I would be surprised if she came, as I don't think she wants to be confronted on her issues. I'm going to go bi-weekly.
I'll have to figure-out how to approach her curiosity about what happens in the sessions. I don't think she needs to know every thing that was said. My guideline will be to reveal to her only what I think would be helpful.
I'm going to emphasize respectful communication as the theme of therapy at this time. If she asks about intimacy, I'll tell her that respectful communication must occur first for intimacy to develop. It may be obvious to me, but she may need (as you pointed out) this pointed out to her.
I bought my W flowers for Valentine's Day. I didn't include a card, as I don't know what to say. We have a dinner reserved tonight, but she was hesitant about going. We'll see how it plays out.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
