WAW - Very confused and devestated - pt 2

[MrBond]

CIPA,
It's not confusing at all. Everything you did wrong is right in your post. I kept seeing the word 'I' and 'We' from you. There IS NO 'I' or 'WE' right now. Look at your examples of how you're showing your neediness and your need to control the situation:

She was wearing a sweater today that made her body look really good

I said its important to talk.

she didn't feel like celebrating Vday. I tried to explain how I wasn't trying to celebrate anything but got her flowers because I knew she liked them and candy because I know she liked chocolate and a funny card to make her laugh.

And so on.

Don't you get it? Everything you're doing is pissing her off! You've got to stop. I'm sorry for being so harsh, but it's like watching an accident that's going to happen.

You say the longer this goes on, she'll be more cemented in the divorce, well, let me tell you...she's checked out long ago. Right now she's just going through the motions of dealing with your actions.

She feels like she has no control over what she's doing but are just doing things to appease you. When I mentioned the word "validating" I was referring to the DB definition which is essentially agreeing with the negatives our WAWs are expressing and leave it at that. It doesn't mean you start debating them on each point.

Like the talking part. She doesn't need to talk to you if she doesn't want to. Maybe she did in the past, but she doesn't want to anymore. Leave her alone and give her space.

Even for her birthday, you should have told her that she should just go ahead and have fun with her friends period. Instead you had to say "I told her that I appreciated her inviting me and would love to go but if she really didn't want me there I would understand. " There it is..."would love to go". You just made her feel guilty.

To her that means ... well I'll be a bitch if I didn't say he should come because he says that he would "love to go". It's what she was trying to explain to you about the getting cut analogy. She doesn't want you to just see the superficial, you have to see what caused it.

I know we men aren't geared that way, but that's what our LBSs expect. And if you still plan to try and save this M, I suggest you do a 180 on EVERYTHING you're doing.