Carlos, I will think about your words. It's really hard to take his decisions at face value because he is in a 'fog' so I tell myself that he is not acting himself. So what I need to decide is, if it's worth it to wait out till he comes to his senses and realize what his original values were or has he changed to the point of no return. I have been and continue to do work on myself. I have to face my demons and my shortcomings. I have very strong values so luckily I am centered. But no so my H. He is drifting, I can tell so eventhough my heart loves him, I don't want to get to the point where I hate him and resent him for wasting my time, waiting around for him to turn himself around.
Hope, I have been detaching a lot for the last eight months, not calling him up at all and just letting him come around on weekends. But last week, because I was worrying about S and his separation anxiety, I e-mailed H a couple of times. I didn't hear from him at all. Then the night before I left I called H up and just said plainly, 'I need to know that S will be taken care of. I have not heard from you, don't know if you are mad at me or not.' H said that the e-mails did not warrant a reply so did not contact me, that he was not angry at me and will be there for S. So I guess H e-mailed me yesterday because he wanted to reassure me that S was OK, eventhough I have called S personally and spoke to him every day. Hope, I am thinking about Plan B. I am not mentally there yet. You see, when I gamble I like to win ( I don't like to gamble at all really because I hate losing). So I don't bet on a loser. I know if I gave an ultimatum now I would lose. I want to give it at the time when I might get a 'perhaps we can revisit this'. That is the right now. So I need to have more patience and bide my time.
Me:39 H:40 S:9 D:7 First Bomb ONS:June 07 Second Bomb OW: March 08 Separated: March 08 M:15 yrs T:18 yrs H deep into A with OW Achieved ACCEPTANCE May 30, 09
