It is good to hear from you again. I've thought about just letting it go, but it should end up several thousand dollars in my favor, so I'm going to pursue it.
I know it will just give her another reason to be upset, but when I see the figures, I can always decide at that point how much I'm willing to negotiate for. However, I don't want to leave money on the table, especially if it could get up into the $10K+ range as my pension is horrible and her's is solid and guaranteed.
On the statement of why I'm missing my XW, I think you are completely correct and the want to be w/ my D is the real reason I'm sad right now. I too believe in time I'll feel lucky to be away, but it is difficult convincing my heart of that right now.
The key for me is to get everything finalized so I can just worry about me and not what will or will not piss her off on any given day.
Sorry I havent been around much, thanks for sticking with me! I thought of you yesterday, on the phone to Jody, teh DB coach (I believe she used to be yours?). She was explaining the difference between WAS - male and female, the male WAS feels inadequate and feels the problem is in them and doesnt blame the ex etc, but the WA wife is angry.. bitter, resentful, blames the H entirely, feels undervalued, taken for granted all these years and therefore... will be in your face.. angry.. they want you to pay, to suffer, even after you D.
And when I heard her descibing the difference, it made me think of your exW !! I dont know if that makes yuo feel any better, but perhaps her outrageous behaviour is 'par for the course' as they say in england.
I understand taht your sad and miss her somewhat, even despite how she has behaved. I cant wait for you to fall in love again Rob, then all this will be like a bad dream...
Al xxx
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
That is a pretty good generalization from Jody about the difference between male and female WAS. It almost makes me think that Rob's X has rabies or she is very closely related to a female dog.
There does not seem to be much different between male and female LBS though.
<< the WA wife is angry.. bitter, resentful, blames the H entirely, feels undervalued, taken for granted all these years and therefore... will be in your face.. angry.. they want you to pay, to suffer, even after you D. Let me see ... yes, I think that's more or less it.
Well, Ali, I think you hit it on the head w/this one:
Quote:
the WA wife is angry.. bitter, resentful, blames the H entirely, feels undervalued, taken for granted all these years and therefore... will be in your face.. angry.. they want you to pay, to suffer, even after you D.
My XW is definitely angry and wants me to be punished even now.
Case in point, she e-mailed me on Friday about my pushing for us to split up the pensions. She claimed I chose to do the various things to break up our M and I'm now pushing for money from her to hurt our D. She called me selfish and vindictive for pursuing the splitting of the pensions. She outlined attack after attack against me... the same old stuff that she's used before.
My gut reaction was to write her back, not be kind, and dispell everything she said. I asked her when she would take accountability for her actions? For her creation of things to help fit her story? For her out and out lies about everything that has gone on so her friends and family can feel she made the correct decision in leaving me and destroying our family.
I wrote it, but I sent it to myself. It was good to get out as I was ANGRY! But I realize it would serve ZERO purpose except for making me feel better and releasing stress, anger, hostility, and some of my pain on to her. Again, I am glad I realized this effort would be worthless and wasted b/c she wouldn't read it or acknowledge any of it.
So, I haven't responded yet. However, I'm thinking of this as my reply - please give me feed back as to what you think:
Quote:
XW-
This is business. It is not personal. We need to view the final phase of this divorce as such and nothing more.
We both agreed to not use D as a pawn in our divorce, so please leave her out of this as it has absolutely nothing to do with her.
Choices were made by both of us and we have to be accountable for our choices.
I will let you know when I've been able to start the process with Mr. (pension attorney).
Again, I'd love to hear what the community thinks about this reply.
XW- This is business. We need to view the final phase of this divorce as such and nothing more.
I will let you know when I've been able to start the process with Mr. (pension attorney).
I would add my personal little something like you @#^%%$^%##&$ crazy *)*&^%$%, but I guess that would do nothing for you in the end. So, keep it simple and cold.
I SOOOOOO want this to end for you and as Al said I want you to feel the sweet kind of loving from a nice girl you deserve and need. Soon now... Love always, K
