Que Sera, Sera - Whatever Will Be, Will Be

[lemonsnap]

Hello all,
I've been reading messages on this forum like mad for the last few days, and I've already read the DB book from cover to cover after getting it from the library early this week. This is the first time I've posted, so thanks in advance for your patience as I get the hang of this!
Here's a very abridged version of what's going on:
Me: 29
H: 29
M: 6 months, T: 8 years
Bomb: 1/24/2009
We've been together for 8 years. We met when I was a college student in Spain, and became great friends/started dating seriously soon after. We dated long distance while I finished college and then I moved to Spain to be closer to H (then boyfriend). Worked in a nearby town and lived with him and his family on weekends. Got our own apartment and lived there for several years until 2004 when we decided to move to the US - to my hometown in the northwest- for a better future economically, etc. Lived with my parents for a year to save money, then got our own apartment and have been there since. I've been working full time since then, and H has been studying full time in order to get college degree. He spent first full year learning English, since we'd always spoken in Spanish before.
In Nov. 2005 I had a 1 night A with someone I'd never met before while on a business trip to a foreign country (UGH. I still can't believe what a terrible mistake I made.) No contact ever again with that person, but I was open and honest with H and let him know it happened. It was a very difficult time for both of us afterwards. We decided to stay together and moved to our own apartment (we'd been living with my parents for a year since coming back to US in order to save $.)
Fast forward - we've been living in our apartment for 3+ years together now, H asked me to marry him in 2/07 and we were married in 8/08. The engagement was a stressful time what with my family being fairly intense and involved in the wedding, and his family being so far away (but 13 people coming from Spain for wedding, which we had to organize too.)
I tend to be a very detail oriented, specific, somewhat controlling person, so obviously this was difficult for my H. But we got through it, and while I knew we had some challenges and issues to deal with, I assumed they were things that any busy, stressed couple would deal with.
Fast forward to 3 weeks ago. After what seemed to be a small argument about something so minor I can't even remember it now, my H came out with the ILYBNILWY bit. He has always been the quieter one when it came to his feelings, although when we first were together he was incredibly open and straightforward about communicating emotions and feelings. I think over time he's become less open and more closed off (I recognize that I have had, I'm afraid, a large role in this.) The severity of our problems (at least in his eyes) surprised me greatly and I'm trying hard now to get my feet back under me.
During the first two weeks I did all the no-no's - crying, asking lots of "whys" and trying hard to understand why this was all happening (I'm a very analytical person. Lots of whys.) Trying to convince H that we could work on things together. All the things I'm now learning are NOT helpful.
At this point in time H is pretty adamant about separating and getting his own apartment. He says that he still loves me, and always will love me, and would like to stay close by so that we can still see each other and do things together, but that he needs time to be alone so that he can think. He feels that things have changed between us and that he can't feel much of anything right now.
Thank goodness for DB. In the last few days I've taken a big step back from option A (freakout) and am trying to do more of option B (DB, GAL) for myself. I've realized that I can't make him stay, and if I do, he won't be happy right now. I've stopped trying to talk about our R and what we can do to improve it. I'm spending more time by myself in order to give him some more space, while he's still living with me. I went to a yoga class this week, went for a walk with a friend, worked on a project in a different room. I'm trying to be positive when around H, although it's so hard to watch him suffering through what is obviously a very difficult time for him as well. He looks like a confused, hurt animal.
Well, this is already WAY too long. I'm hoping to use this site as a journal so that I can share my ups and downs and hopefully positive experiences with everyone. Thank you SO much for reading this and for any support you can provide.
I'm really happy to have found you all.