My heart breaks for you. How can you be such a SMILE dealing with all of this sh*t!?!?!?
OK, I have absolutely no experience with a cheater (I HOPE!), and I'm a whining sap regarding my own sitch, which is not an eighth as bad as I've just read yours to be, BUT I do have something to contribute... Regarding your D...
I was D'd from my D17's Dad when she was 3 (were separated for almost a year, as well). I married my H a year after that, and from the time my H and I started dating (after divorce), her Dad went from a pain to a nightmare. I can share what didn't work...
--- going between houses a few times a week for a short period of time (confusing, completely different sets of values, etc...) --- constant battling between us (not in front of her) that caused ME to not be as patient, comforting, etc... to her, ESPECIALLY when it came to topics re: her Dad. --- wasted time in Court. (extremely stressful for everyone involved - get as much handled PRIOR to an D agreement as possible) --- NEVER let her hear negativity about her D.
My D17 hasn't seen her Dad for nearly two years because of the very behavior's that led me to divorce him. They figure it out on their own, if they have your solid foundation and ethics.
HUG those kids to death... Let them see and interact with their Dad, and just let it be, assuming it's a safe environment.
I wish we were closer! I'd send my D17 over to bbsit, and take you out for a shot and a beer!
HUGS!!
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
