I'm the biggest cheerleader now of going dark. I begged/pleaded, etc, with W, and she started coming up with the most ridiculous things to justify her affair - and she's not even moved in or anything! It's true - they pick up someone that knows exactly what to say - remember she has probably told the OM exactly what she doesn't like about you, so HE knows exactly what to do to make her think he's perfect. But the totem pole will usually topple.
Going dark is not a ploy to get to your W - it is for you. Keeping yourself around her is going to make you hurt over and over again. Seeing them together will cause so much pain. Talking to her, and remembering who she once was.
I went dark about 12 days ago, and the first 4-5 days were insanely hard. I reached bottom about day 4, and have slowly been working my way up. W got NASTY the first week, but then started texting me, and sending pics. Everytime I communicate with her about kids (and ONLY about kids) she tries to send conversational things and smiley faces.
I guarantee you it'll be HARD, but if you can do it, and I mean stone-cold dark, it'll be good. Expect backlash, but ignore it - there were many times I wanted so badly to respond, or to explain, but nope. Stick to it tight!
It is not right in MY situation, but if W contacts you, and wants to engage you in conversation, do so. But hang up first, keep it light, and do NOT under any circumstances talk about R.
If you feel she's trying to make herself feel better, then stop even THOSE conversations.
Remember - begging and pleading didn't accomplish anything!
