Don't know what to say. Don't be afraid the closure of the house will be the end. Just as Kerry says, R talks sound always the same with Dan. And you never got anything out of any of them. Be patient, xxx K
That's what I meant when I said I give up, K. I will not initiate any more talks, ever. It just sucks. Never accomplishes anything.
The closing was terrible. I had to sign off on it b/c in Iowa, since we are still married, I had to sign on to the house. If he ever sells it I am apparently entitled to my share?
Anyway he did not put me on the loan or anything else, I was just supposed to have to sign whatever a spouse signs...
Well we get there at 2:30 and I have 25 minutes to get it signed and get back to work b/c I have dismissal duty at school at 3:00.
The lady is in doing another closing, we don't get in there until 2:45. Dan is already pissed b/c they are taking so long and he doesn't want me to get in trouble at work.
So we sit down and get out our pens and he tells the financing lady that I have to get gone in ten minutes. She says no problem, you only have to sign a few things. Then she starts unstacking all the paperwork. "Oh, no. They have you on everything" she says.
Well Dan called of the closing in December b/c I was on the paperwork and he didn't want me on it, or at least didn't think I would want to be on it. Apparently they made the same mistake this time....
Well I was already midway through signing the other stuff so I just signed everything. I know it was a bonehead move on my part but I just wanted to get out of there and I didn't want to be "the reason" he lost this house TWICE.
So I was signing it all but freaking out inside b/c if i am attached to this house then that will affect my credit rating, my ability to get a car loan next year, our future divorce settlement, etc etc etc....
I cried on the way back b/c the whole thing just sucks.
Then Dan called about ten minutes ago. Said he went off on the closing people after I left and they called the guy he made the deal with, and that guy confirmed that I wasn't supposed to be on the loan. So, they tore up all the parts of the paperwork that Dan didn't want me on, and I am back to just being a co-title-holder. He is going to try to close on the house tomorrow now, with the new paperwork drawn up.
Yuck
I don't consider him buying the house the end to our chances, a house is just a house. He has to live somewhere.
I consider his complete and total lack of any reaching out to me beyond a couple of text messages to be the part that says it just isn't gonna happen for us...
I.ve said this before..if there is one small regret i have , it is of rushing back in. I think you need to back off. i understand you completely regarding who gives a hoot about mundane stuff when you feel he should doing cartwheels to win you back. If you want a life with Dan grasshopper...i am afraisd you will have to be alot less agressive and more patient...you know the old act as if. i know it is cliche and it may not even work but as k and k say above, relationship talk is definately not helping at all at this point. Hang in there...I know it is tough but you have to slow down. One more thing, stop bending over backwards for him.....you should not sign anything you are not comfortable with regardless of the consequences for him. think about you for a change...put yourself first BBJ.
Dan is closing on the house again today, redoing the parts regarding financing. I will be on the title according to our state guidelines, since I am still his spouse. But I will not be on the loan so it will NOT reflect on my credit or anything else.
I did see on the papers yesterday my credit score is upper 700s so I got that goin' for me... Being responsible is still important in some parts of the world I guess!
Today is school valentine parties, my kids are so excited. And we may get out early due to an impending storm. 6-8 inches of snow plus 30 mph winds = early out!
Anyway I am backing off on Dan. He is not 'scheduled' to see the kids until Monday so I will let them call him in the evenings but I won't contact him at all.
The kids picked out his Valentine's present last night. Nathan wanted to buy more star wars toys, i told him the 12 toys he got his dad for Christmas were enough.
I told him to pick something he and Sydney and his Dad could do together. So he picked out a cake pan and cookie sheet for Daddy to have at his house so they can still bake together. (H loves cake/brownies/cookies, where I am more of a salty snack person)
I will get nothing for Dan. I know we are still married and he claims he wants us to get back together but right now we are apart, so no gift or card from me.
Anyway I am backing off on Dan. He is not 'scheduled' to see the kids until Monday so I will let them call him in the evenings but I won't contact him at all.
Ok..question here?? are the kids asking to call him??? Or is Dan calling them??? OR are you asking the kids if they want to call him??
Anyway I am backing off on Dan. He is not 'scheduled' to see the kids until Monday so I will let them call him in the evenings but I won't contact him at all.
Ok..question here?? are the kids asking to call him??? Or is Dan calling them??? OR are you asking the kids if they want to call him??
The deal has always been, when Dan travels for work in the past anyway, that either he calls the kids or they call him to say goodnight. At one point we had a discussion where he said it made more sense for the kids to call and say goodnight b/c whoever was home with the kids knew when they were ready to go to bed.
So while I was gone for my convention this week, Dan had the kids call me each night. When I have the kids, I have been having them call him each night.
Anyway I am backing off on Dan. He is not 'scheduled' to see the kids until Monday so I will let them call him in the evenings but I won't contact him at all.
Ok..question here?? are the kids asking to call him??? Or is Dan calling them??? OR are you asking the kids if they want to call him??
The deal has always been, when Dan travels for work in the past anyway, that either he calls the kids or they call him to say goodnight. At one point we had a discussion where he said it made more sense for the kids to call and say goodnight b/c whoever was home with the kids knew when they were ready to go to bed.
So while I was gone for my convention this week, Dan had the kids call me each night. When I have the kids, I have been having them call him each night.
ok..I feel ya on that...with the agreement you have it will make it difficult for Dan to miss what he had..
in other words..there is a high probability that your youngest would not ask to speak to Dan on the phone now..at least mine does not..mine is very phone phobic...I can see where your oldest might ask...
so the kids have no set bed time?? or the times vary?? see where I'm going here??
Quote:
At one point we had a discussion where he said it made more sense for the kids to call
I would think that a dad that misses his kids would call
I'm a firm believer that the WAS, when they decide to quit..then they should lose what they once had..and things should not be made easier for them. They certainly do not work while they are deciding to leave..once they leave then I think that they need to work or flounder..in all aspects of their relationships..whether it be as a parent..job..or possibly reconciling..
Being responsible is still important in some parts of the world I guess!