Hope, I hope your Plan B works, I guess you've got nothing to lose now anyways, right? It's good that there is an investigation at work, I hope they move her as* out of your face. You really are strong to keep functioning normally at work with all this going on. Keep going, you are my hero.
Me:39 H:40 S:9 D:7 First Bomb ONS:June 07 Second Bomb OW: March 08 Separated: March 08 M:15 yrs T:18 yrs H deep into A with OW Achieved ACCEPTANCE May 30, 09
I happen to be a big fan of Plan B. I think it has a chance in your situation.
You are right -- anything is still possible.
Puppy
Puppy thank you for your vote of confidence. I have to feel that I tried everything for the M. Some frown on the Plan B theory but there is only so much DBing and Plan A you can do and after awhile it is no longer effective. And of course my biggest support is the Man upstairs.
Dear Lord Chase him Break him Redeem him Save him
Me 53 H 50 D16, D29 M 22 years bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H 8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also bomb II - H moves 10/1 expose ow 10/22 D to be final 9-09
Hope, I hope your Plan B works, I guess you've got nothing to lose now anyways, right? It's good that there is an investigation at work, I hope they move her as* out of your face. You really are strong to keep functioning normally at work with all this going on. Keep going, you are my hero.
PM, It is a stretch that I am "functioning normally" lol, but I try to get by each day without going to the plastic pinata's desk and bashing her. I even told PM that I felt like I was in a "hostile work enviroment" (harassment buzzword), and I was ready to jump a desk and get her but I will not get fired because of her. He said don't worry you won't get fired! Does that mean I can go and jump on her and pound her plastic body and face around for a bit...very tempting! I have nothing to lose and everything to gain. I have these talks with myself why do I want to put myself through this but in spite of all I still love my H. But I am realistic to know as long as he is addicted to the OW and to alcohol our M will not survive.
Me 53 H 50 D16, D29 M 22 years bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H 8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also bomb II - H moves 10/1 expose ow 10/22 D to be final 9-09
Hope, I got the Hartley book in today. I plan on reading a little before I go to bed.
yipee, yipee, yippee Anytime you want to talk about the book, let me know. You are a PRIME BS that this Plan A/Plan B would have a very good chance of working. You have been DBing/Plan A for 2 years. The difference with DBing there is no time limit and it could go on as long as you are willing but after awhile it wears out our soul. With Plan B you start to take control and your H will not like it but it is effective.
Me 53 H 50 D16, D29 M 22 years bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H 8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also bomb II - H moves 10/1 expose ow 10/22 D to be final 9-09
Hope, I need your advice. I read the book so I know about Plan A and Plan B. But I guess I am not ready for Plan B because if I totally drop the rope and gave the ultimatum, then if he doesn't come back then I am nowhere with our M. That scenerio I cannot handle yet. What is your take on this, how do you handle this possible outcome?
Me:39 H:40 S:9 D:7 First Bomb ONS:June 07 Second Bomb OW: March 08 Separated: March 08 M:15 yrs T:18 yrs H deep into A with OW Achieved ACCEPTANCE May 30, 09
Hi PM, how long have you been Plan A or DBing. It says you seperated on 3/08 but were you still trying to work the M.
Plan B is scary. I have given my H a Plan B letter even though he is deep in with OW and served me for D. But if things are not rosey or they start fighting I want him to know there is a roadmap home and love for him in our house with boundaries.
There is only so long you can go without starting to hate your H. I did not do a good plan A but I had to go plan B because of his drinking. If H never comes out of the fog. I feel I did everything that I could.
Just think you wrote "I am nowhere without my M", ask yourself the hard question -- where are you now. You have been on your own for almost a year. We can talk more about this. Let me know.
Not that I ever have a chance of getting back with my H but what do I have to lose at this point.
I am going to make a second post of last night. pretty down.
Me 53 H 50 D16, D29 M 22 years bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H 8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also bomb II - H moves 10/1 expose ow 10/22 D to be final 9-09
Get the 2x4s I had plans to go to a martini bar for an informal birthday party for one of the girls at work. Ok trying to get a life. Well the bar was very very close to the OW house in that neck of the city.
I decide to drive by on the way there. Yes, yes, I know why would I put myself through that. I do not have a good answer for that except maybe she was in the trash can put out to the curb.
I see the secret van that my H drives to her house parked in front (he drops off his car and picks up this van -- great lengths to hid this A because of work and D). There is a car in the driveway that is the OW's D. The house is lit up and the backyard is all lit up. I hear the grandkids yelling and running in the backyard. One big happy family that my H is now a part of. I felt sickened by it.
Still went to the party and made obligatory drinks and left. I really was crushed. Don't care how much exposure is done to OW family -- they don't care. Just accept my H into their household and he could be part of their family.
What do they call him uncle - grandpa...WTH. I really do feel like the abandoned BS.
Now it is VD and he is with her making a new life. Where are the cards and flowers that H brought each me and our girls that day. Where is the family dinner we went for either breakfast, brunch. H sent a text message to his 2 girls. Big deal.
OW will get my flowers, jewelry whatever. She will have the romantic day with a special card, romantic first VD (hope she gets that)and my H. I know it will be fueled with alcohol because now it is the "fun" thing they do. I hope he throws up on her sexy dress.
Today I am using this board to really vent. I can't talk to family or my girls about this.
I know it is one day but it was "our day". My heart is very broken.
Do want to mention, I was laying down and doorbell rang. Got up and threw on a pair of jeans and went to the door.. NO ONE was there. First thought was maybe H had flowers sent for D15. But no one was driving away, walking away from the house. I thought maybe I dreamed it but dog heard it to and was whining at the door. Very very weird.
Me 53 H 50 D16, D29 M 22 years bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H 8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also bomb II - H moves 10/1 expose ow 10/22 D to be final 9-09
I know Hope. VD is very difficult. You just have to think that he is acting out of character, that this is NOT the man you married, then maybe you can get through this a little better. I am so sorry you are feeling bad.
Me:39 H:40 S:9 D:7 First Bomb ONS:June 07 Second Bomb OW: March 08 Separated: March 08 M:15 yrs T:18 yrs H deep into A with OW Achieved ACCEPTANCE May 30, 09
Hi PM, hope you are well. What a sorry weekend this has been. I know it is not the man I know but I wonder if that man will ever become the ethical guy I once knew. The guy who cared about his family, his dog, his girls.
Now I think he is looking at jobs out of state and just disappear. Write a check every month to appease his guilt and poof off to a new life taking the OW with him. Both of them have burned too many bridges here.
So we were abandoned once when we came here together and will be abandoned again if he takes off.
Your right this is not the man I know.
Me 53 H 50 D16, D29 M 22 years bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H 8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also bomb II - H moves 10/1 expose ow 10/22 D to be final 9-09
