Hi PM, I went through something so similar with my W when things fell apart. My father was her biggest fan - and he just went over the top trying to find ways to fix our situation by pointing things in me that he hoped I could change (most of the things he thought needed change in me were things I had hope he would change about himself over the years...at least until I just accepted him).
As hard as it is, it's all part of the process though - and now my father is firmly behind my decisions - and while he still feels some sadness over the demise of my second marriage, he can't help but notice that I am doing better - and that I have come through a terrible time in my life (well, so far) with a lot of strength - and a determination not to be consumed by it.
It's hard to act "as if" around family sometimes - but it does make a big difference in terms of getting them to support us with positive energy - rather than trying to rescue us from dealing with emotions and issues that we really must tackle, sooner or later, and in one way or another. In my case, my family just kept asking me questions about how things fell apart...and underlying those questions was the assumption that things would have been different if I had done something different - that's not my family's fault - that's their love - but it does underscore the fact that outside of this process (and away from this board) a lot of people just don't understand that idea of letting someone go as an act of love - and that letting go also means that we accept their choices as their own - their decisions as their own - and we stop trying to take on so much responsibility for the actions (and even the crisis) of someone we love.
It's wonderful to hear so much strength in your words. Enjoy the weekend.
