How did you know I was going to update this morning? Must be ESP. Thanks for the thought though!
==== Update:
Taking the advice of someone who has been there, done that. I read Stosny's Love without Hurt this past summer. It hit home for me and for my sitch.
I saw some of my actions in that & it took me 6 more months of working through some of that baggage in IC to get to where I am today, using my understanding of Core Values/Core Hurts that Stonsy's presents in the book. I have found it to be one of the two most helpful books I have read (and I have read plenty!) in my growth & recovery.
H's changes & growth as part of his IC (in the past 3 months) have given me hope that he would be open to this type of work. So being the 'brave new me'.. I gave him my copy of the book and asked him if he would read it.
He agreed... he has found it to be powerful in describing him and our sitch almost as if the author was living with us, as he said.
He has asked to go do the bootcamp 3 day retreat for couples and we are re-reading the book together chapter by chapter to lay context & being on the same page as to what we understand the author to be saying.
i read outloud, he listens and we pause at various points to share & empathize. It has helped bring us closer.
I will emphasize though, that until BOTH of us had worked through some of our own issues & had moved along the path to 'healthier'.. what I just described would not have been possible.
I was not ready (healthy enough) to do this work with him last summer, and he was not ready (healthy enough) to do this work with me until within the past few weeks.
I'm glad we have both been patient and I have, as my title thread suggests "waited & watched'... it has not been an easy path.
I am hopeful that we will at minimum learn to be more compassionate people who value each other, our children & ourselves and can show that, without fear, on a regular & consistent basis.
To be honest, I am scared to hope for more than that right now.
Peace Bridge
Divorced 03/2010 Mom to two amazing kids
Taking the road less traveled because those encountered on the way may be just as unique.
