I know you're doing what you feel is best for your children. That's all anyone can ask from a parent.
Personally, I understand and support dropping the rope and moving forward with your life. You've shown amazing patience and fortitude over the past two years. And I think there's still a chance your W will take notice now.
As Puppy says, pray for the strength and courage to do what is right in every situation.
Hope you have a good weekend and some fun plans with the kids!
If you love somebody, set them free. http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g
Kevin, I appreciate your thoughts - I guess I may have given a wrong impression.
I love my wife unconditionally and forever. There is nothing more in the world I want than for a chance to rekindle a relationship with her and make our family whole.
I pray every day for her salvation, I pray for her emotional/mental healing, and I pray for God to help me be the man I need to be.
Honestly, the only thing I am 100% clear on right now is going dark. God has confirmed this clearly for me.
Also, note that I'm not filing divorce/dissolution, I'm asking W to. I gave her a choice of ending the affair or getting a dissolution, and she chose the dissolution, so I'm simply asking her to end this quickly. My kids deserve better if I don't. The OM is still married, and there are no signs of him ending his marriage, but that is solely W's problem.
- But -
I spent 2.5 years enabling W - doing everything she wanted, and so on; in a way, this is my LRT. If the end of my month of dark comes, and I feel clear before God, I will file divorce, but I told God this month was His to do whatever He wanted for me, W, and our kids.
Jesus gives specific clearance to file divorce in the case of adultery, and if I do file, I will sit down with my kids and explain why.
I came on here, and it was amazingly helpful. I started doing things correctly, messed up a couple of times, but started becoming a different person.
W noticed, and reacted. She has noticed me standing up and being a man, and has reacted. I tried being "the better option" and W has reacted.
I regained my confidence mostly when it struck me that this is all in W's head, and there's nothing I can do with it. She refuses counseling, refuses medication.
Just so you know, when I sent that email, I was nauseated, scared, and couldn't focus on anything. I was checking my email every 15 minutes to see what her response would be, but it felt right then, and it feels right now.
But W has started hurting the kids: telling the kids mean things about me, she spends very little time with them due to school (and takes an evening from them per week to spend with OM).
What made me say, "OK, enough waiting" was this:
After 2.5 years of loving her, caring for her, doing everything she could ever want, spending time as a family, really DOTING on her - she ended up openly dating another man - even brought him to see our kids on the third date. I don't know the nature of the relationship, and it doesn't matter.
For two months, I was the "better option". I actually realized I was a MUCH better option, and she chose dissolution over honoring her family by ending the affair.
{{{JD}}} YOU are an amazingly strong person and I think no one would ever question that you still love and care about your wife and her salvation and your family You rock my friend!!!!
Strength and honor (hope it's ok for a GIRL to say that LOLOL)
Tawnya
Me:39 H:40 D18/S12 M20/T21 Bomb 10/11/08 One Two Three Four
Sometimes you have no other choice. I like how you have given your W a timeline for dissolution and after that you file for D. You have given her every opportunity and more. I hope she takes the dissolution road for everyone's sake.
We all wanted/want our M and families. Heck, even though my exh is wracked with issues I still hope for that someday, but I can no longer wait for it.
Have a great weekend.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
{{{Tawnya}}} - you're a sweetheart! Although I think that probably describes you better than me!
{{Pearl}} - done! I need to get a good picture on there.
{{SO2}} - I know how you feel - my W has so many emotional issues and has turned into such an odd person. However, I see these flashes of the "real" W show through, and it just makes my heart ache. I believe she is still there - but this "new" person is very stubborn. I spent 2.5 years trying, and at some point, you have to understand that there may be other/better things. Doesn't mean I've giving up at all - but I do need her to be the woman she needs to be.
I personally have no intentions of dating, let alone getting remarried. I plan to focus completely and 100% on my kids, and provide them with a parent that is fully focused on them and nothing else - their stability point. I don't expect much gratitude for it now - actually, I'm getting the opposite. The kids are desperate to see W because she spends so little time with them - it sort of makes me feel neglected because I spend every minute I have them with them, and them alone. Sigh...
Anyway, God would have to literally smack me upside the head before I would even consider another relationship.
All, have a great weekend! Will be busy for me. Gonna run pick up roses for D8!
Jon...I saw something on my thread about posting something I posted to you...you can do that...I'm not sure what it was, but, you can use my words anytime!!!
Please take a look at my thread for my prayer request.
Love you! Amy
Me 39 H 36 S 7 S 4 T 15 M 12 H out 8/1/08 OW confirmed 8/6/08 D final on 6/12/09...I'm doing good!
I got a note that kids had Monday off school for President's day. I texted W to find out if she also had the day off school, and she said she had a half day.
She told me her BFF would be picking up the kids. I don't understand why her BFF is CONSTANTLY with the kids.
So I called her on it - I asked why she didn't pick up the kids. She said BFF was bringing them to the town where she goes to school for lunch. (it's about 20 minutes from here - so W would have to drive 40 minutes) I swear if it wasn't for the fact that BFF has NO life, W would not have made it.
Anyway, I said OK.
She texted me back - "My school friends are all going to lunch and bringing their kids. Kids will get to meet my friends. :)"
Sometimes I wonder about her motives - why say that? Trying to make me mad/jealous? Trying to be conversational? Sigh...
At this point, I don't really care, but its funny how every kid conversation, she tries to turn it all chummy.
NOT TAKING THE BAIT - NO FLINCHING, STRENGTH AND HONOR!
You rock my friend!!!!