<<then take him up on his offer. If he doesn't, then it still shows that you have grown and will tackle this on your own and find a way. This way he will have a harder time getting his way and trying to turn this into your fault.
After talking with Doc yesterday, I decided to call H & offer a proposal.
I told H that I was prepared to move out, but since neither of us have a paycheck at the moment, that wasn't very smart. If I moved out, it would just deplete our savings faster. I said I did not want to share a bed right now, & if he would agree to sleep anywhere but our bed, I would stay in the home. He agreed.
I also told him that I needed time & space, & did not want to discuss the R at all.
He e-mailed me today, & told me that he had IC today at 5 pm.
<<You need to be the rock for them and show leadership.
You're right. Keep talking. I'm listening.
<<Can I really make it on my own?
I'm not afraid of this. I moved out at 16, & lived alone til 25. I also got an e-mail from the police dept. After reviewing my application, they've invited me to the next step towards employment.
<< I know I come across to people that don't like my way of posting as insensitive. That is far from fact.
Really ?? I never noticed. lol
<<"Who Moved My Cheese" is a good book that talks about overcoming fear and how it can lead to things you never dreamed of.
Yep. I have the book, read it years ago. Need to read it again apparently.
Doc says any change can be viewed as a threat or an opportunity. I see opportunity.
<<I get it. Nothing to be embarrased about things with the old Gooch. You are well loved on this site.
ya big softie ! I never knew you were a toasted marshmallow.... crusty on the outside, gooey on the inside.
<<Far different than feelings many have for me huh?
You are growing on me all the sudden.
<<Don't underestimate how strong you are.
I feel amazingly good & strong.
<<BINGO.... I wanted to advise that to you earlier,but thought it may be too much too soon. SEE?
You were right. I wouldn't have been ready before the motel experience. Ready had been telling me for a while. I just wasn't ready to hear it.
<< Your instincts are good. Use them.
ty
<<Excellent. You could get into the decorating your way and furnishing and all the things you women love to do when getting your nest ready.
You know what's ironic. This home is gorgeous. I decorated it the way I want. But, it doesn't feel emotionally safe anymore. Bridge is right, a house is just a house with stuff in it.
<< I think most of us understand that he isn't all bad and it wasn't all bad.
I think in my very first post I talked about his good qualities. His strengths. He's always been a very good provider, a very hard worker. We have a beautiful home, & I drive a gorgeous car. He's not out whoring around, or staying in bars all night. He doesn't gamble his paycheck away. He's never laid a finger on me in anger.
<<I must tell you that if you follow through on the separation, that you need to be prepared if he panics and makes some more promises. It would not surprise me if he does. It is time for HIM to get healthy in the ways he isn't. Just because someone has a broken foot doesn't mean that his hand is broken. The foot needs to be healed.
like him going to IC today ?
<<Be wise.
I believe I am. Thank you.
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
