She offered to move out. I don't like that on many levels.
First, I want to work on our marriage and feel that living apart harms that, second, She is needing to see me be a responsible adult that can pay bills and manage his life. If she has to move out then how am I doing that for her?
While I have been here, she kisses me goodnight sometimes. I left her a note asking her to wake me this morning before she went to work and she woke me up with a sweet kiss.
This whole thing with her wanting more time and needing us to be apart has to do with her being cornered.
I can't help but think that while I am trying to find a place to move into, as long and I keep the conversations short and off of my pain and her pain, that there might be some time and way to avoid either of us moving out all together.
She is cake eating. She has to see what she is missing. She is involved with an OM. Don't stand in her way if she is wanting to moveout. It will only be perceived as control and pressure. She is getting all of her emotional connection and "love" feelings from OM right now. They aren't real. That has to stop before you can work on your R.
Drop the rope completley. It's the only way right now. It's damn hard and goes against everything you're feeling right now. The more you pursue the the more she will run... Take the time to become the man YOU want to be and that she can be attracted to. If the OM is what you are descibing it will blow up before too long. Especially if she starts seeing changes in you. Which although separated she will want to know what you are up to.
The more you try to hang on the more she will feel trapped and be unable to see the changes that can happen in you.
I am going through this myself. It is painful but DBing works. Sometimes it is necessary to separate to enable them to feel our absence.
Give her what she wants...Let HER move out on work on yourself...for you.
My thoughts,
Jeff
***Getting up every day and learning to breathe in a new me. For me and my children***
Me: 43 W: 38 SD-15 S(s): 12,9,7 Separated-2/14/2009 My sitch
I read his thread.. I assumed when he said ealier theat "OM was her ex-BF" that it was still ongoing.
I may have misunderstood. But I would still suspect a connection based on her actions. Maybe I'm wrong. It would definately change some things I said above. If so my apologies Bariga.
Jeff
***Getting up every day and learning to breathe in a new me. For me and my children***
Me: 43 W: 38 SD-15 S(s): 12,9,7 Separated-2/14/2009 My sitch
affair is over but they are part of a group of old friends. We have already been apart 6 months. I came back and she isn't ready for me to be back. I am suspecting it has more to do with her fear of the overwhelming emotions we both have and she does not know how to face them.
If I act like I'm just going about my business without her, she seems comfortable having me home. I just hope she realizes that I don't have to move out to prove that I will be financially stable as I promised.
You do what you feel you need to....but moving out seems a bad idea for her. She needs to come to terms with her own guilt and she seems to be transferring it on to you in a weird way.
I just think she is wrong to assume you should be the one that moves out if somone 'has' to....and it does give her open field again with this other guy.
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
Bessie Smith Sure says it well. ---------------------
Let me tell you daddy, momma ain't gonna sit here and grieve Pack up your stuff and get ready to leave
I stood your foolishness long enough, so now I'm gonna call your bluff Oh, I'm gonna call your hand, so, now daddy here's my plan
Ain't gonna play no second fiddle 'cause, I'm used to playin' lead
You must think that I am blind, you've been cheatin' me all the time Whoa yeah, you still flirt And you'll notice I ain't hurt, to see you with my chum Do you think that I am dumb
You 'cause me to drink, when I sit down and think And notice that you never take heed I went to your house the other night, caught you and your good girl havin' a fight
Ain't gonna play no second fiddle 'cause I'm used to playin lead
Caught you with your good-time tramp1, so, now I'm gonna put out your lamp Oh, poppa, I ain't sore You ain't gonna mess up with me no more I'm gonna flirt with another guy, then you're gonna hang your head an' cry
Ain't gonna play no second fiddle 'cause I'm used to playin' lead
