Hi, I have never posted on a message board before and can't believe that my first (well second now!) experience is gonna be under these circumstances! I originally posted this on the Walk Away Spouse thread but have recieved advice that I should maybe post on this thread instead as I may get more response.
I have been with my wife for 11 years, we have been married for seven years and have a daughter who is nine.
I am in complete shock as I have always loved my wife dearly and thought our marriage was pretty good and solid and I was very happy, yeah, we had our moments as all marriages do but these were few and far between and normally short lived. My wife now seems to be focusing on these bad moments only and can see no good in our marriage at all or not an ounce of good in me.
It all started towards the end of October when my wife suddenly announced that she was not sure if she loved me, we lived as normally as is possible for the next 3 or 4 weeks when she then announced that she thought a short break would help, just a few days she said, and I moved into my parents for a week. I returned home and she said that she was still unsure and said that we should carry on as best we could to see us all through christmas and then we would try and sort things out in the new year. When the new year came she turned into a different person and defiantly announced that it was over and we should split, I asked "what about trying in the new year" and she said she didn't want to.
It was decided (not by me) that I should move back to my parents for a while to give her time and space to sort her head out and I reluctantly agreed. During my time at my parents (3 weeks) she would contact me and tell me that nothing had changed and it was over. My wifes insistance that our marriage was over and that she didn't want to try led me to move back home about 2 weeks ago as i thought what is the point in being away if its not doing any good. My wife is now talking about divorce and getting her own place for her and my daughter. She truly believes that she is doing the best thing for her and our daughter but can’t see the affect its having on our daughter.
My wife has quoted her reasons why she feels this way, and although I can see some of what she’s getting at, her reasons don’t seem bad enough to destroy our marriage. The things she has said are things that can change quite easily, but she won’t believe that change can happen and just says she cant change who i am and is therefore unwilling to give it a go. I've stressed to her that the only person who can change me is me and i want to see these changes through to make me a better person and give our relationship a chance but she wont listen. It seems as if any person dare say something that she doesn't want to hear she will cut them out of her life.
My wife is definately not my wife at the moment and has become a different person, not a very nice person I add, but because I love her so much I can see through this and want to stick it out until she returns.
She has said so many hurtful and painful things recently but they are like water off a ducks back to me and they dont have the affect she desires. Over the last week she has become violent and attacked me several times, but again this is not her as nothing like this has ever happened in the last 11 years.
