I think it always hits us like a ton of bricks at any stage - prepared or unprepared. Have you talked to her about a separation agreement? Suggesting that time apart maybe what she is looking for. Do you have any clue as to why she is doing this now or at all? Has she requested anything change? I know R talk is off the table for DBing but I am asking you what you know from the past three years? Can you put anything together? Another possibility is that you could be separated but living under the same roof. It 's hard but can work - it requires a lot of letting go and cooperation at the same time. Only leave if you have to - if she wants to go you can't stop her -but you can give her freedom with limits. The immediate change is that you deal with the present, accept what is as temporary, but necessary. Breathe when you panic, walk when you are upset or angry, get some sleep and I hope you are eating ok. If you are into trying things - try "visualizations" of different scenarios in your mind using as many details as possible to get comfortable with a change - any change. Sometimes it just makes a change easier to do, and occasionally an answer shows up - it is amazing what our minds can do with information when tested.
