WAW - Very confused and devestated - pt 2

[confusedinpa]

Stop over thinking things. I know it's hard I do it all the time but it WILL drive you nuts trying to disect every little thing as "what does this mean".

I think the big reason why I am so overthinking things now is that I am getting really frustrated and want to give up. I know it sounds bad and desparate but I'm just looking for something that will give me some hope/reason to continue. I know I need to do it for the kids, but at the same time, I am getting to the point where I feel I don't deserve to be treated this way (which is I'm sure how she felt when she filed for divorce). I know she knows it's driving me crazy - she said it last nite as that's how she was feeling all these years.

I can't blame her for giving up as I've only been at this for 5 weeks. She's been trying for years.

Its so hard to hear that she is proud of my changes and sees how I'm a better person for it, but can't see past the pain/hurt to still want me as a husband - which is what she said on Monday just prior to the counseling session.

My therapist/our counselor, said that what's confusing with her is that my wife cries (albeit really briefly - a minute or so) when she talks about the pain/hurt. She says most wifes who want a divorce is very cold and talks about the pain/hurt with no emotion or is angry. She feels that there is still a chance (albeit small), but keeps trying to remind me that it may take time for her to get really engage the anger. She also is worried about how long I can keep this up as she's picked up that I'm getting mad/frustrated.

It's sooooo confusing.

That's a big reason why I have such severe mood swings during the day. During the week, when I'm home, I'm able to hold it together and keep a positive mental attitude (which I think is confusing her as well). The weekend is a lot harder, as during the week I can post and get support from everyone here. Plus we are together so much that it's a constant reminder of what at stake - whether I'm with the kids or we are all together or it's just my wife and I.

I do appreciate everyone's support and encouragement.

I know some of you are getting frustrated repeating the samethings to me, but please believe me that it helps as it's part of the constant reminder for me as far as what to do.

Thanks