There hasn't been an opportunity for me to present my expectations and desires to her.
Being a non-confrontational person like yourself, I understand where this statement comes from, but here's a thought:
You've mentioned before that she accuses you of being non-communicative and sullen. I think for true communication to be present it's just as vital for her to know what you want and expect as it is for you to continue your efforts to respectfully meet her needs. How can she reciprocate if she's not aware of your own wishes? How can she respect any of your desires if they are unspoken?
From my (admittedly limited) perspective, her email suggesting an increase of respectful communication is a perfect opportunity for you to present her with your own expectations. Feel free to deliver them softly, but she can't meet any request that isn't put out there.
You are an intuitive, considerate and gentle person, but I think you might be surprised to find that she is clueless as to how to really connect with you, and that causes a lot of frustration for her...and for you when it blows up.
I wholeheartedly support you in your D/M plan. I know you'll find a way to speak up and let this be a true partnership in every way.
