You may be pleasantly surprized at how there words can give you clarity. I used only 1/2 a `dozen times a behavioural anaylsist . Brilliant.
Having said that I am 6 months in to this and I feel just like you and I am tired of struggling just to do everyday things so I have started anti depressants.
I dont want H back but I want his life to implode on him with the realisation that his actions have seriously eroded his childrens trust and love. His business is about to hit a huge bump and in this economy , it will be a lot of work to repair.