JDOllie's story #5

[Tawnya]

{{{JD}}} How are you this a.m. my friend?

Tawnya

[Amy M]

(((((JON)))))

Hey, you! I just wanted to stick my head in and say that I still think you are OKAY!!!! I hate so much that things aren't taking the path you wanted, but the reality is, that haven't been taking that path for some time now, right?

I read something the other day that said something like...the only way you fall off the road when it bends is if you keep going straight...it was worded better than that (obviously), but you get the point. It spoke to me. I'll try to find it again so you can get the whole impact!

It was amazing to me last week how sad I felt about actually turning in the papers. I wasn't expecting that, but, I do have to say, it didn't last. I've had some other moments of sadness, but they are just that...moments in otherwise pretty good days. And, I was told that it's normal that each step of the process will still be painful. I'm letting go of hopes and dreams. That's not supposed to be easy! So, I know about the sadness, and I hate that you have to feel it! That any of us do!!!

But, you've done well. You have your priorities in order. You will come out of all this in a better place, and only God knows what the future holds for you, Jon!

I hope that you have something fun planned for the weekend. I'm boycotting V-day this year. I'm lucky enough to have my birthday fall on that day! So, this year I'm turning 39 on the V-day during which I'm going through a D!!!! I've decided to have ice cream for breakfast on Saturday and call the day "Amy Day" (I think that was actually Tawnya's idea!). I'll have the boys and the weather's supposed to be beautiful here...so, we may even hit the beach. You are welcome to join us if you like ice cream and the beach...bring the kids!

Take care!!!

Love ya!
Amy

[JDOllie]

(((Amy))) - {{{Tawnya}}}

It is a soothing balm to have your gorgeous presence grace my thread - both of you!

I am doing well, hanging in there. I figure I'm at about 40%, but steadily climbing!

Not really sure what I'm doing at this point, except maintaining the dark, but I'm sitting back and letting God run the show at this point, and that's actually a pretty darned good feeling!

I realized something the other day too - I had gone down this track of sort of wanting to stop having feelings for W, and it was awful - I just didn't want her to "have control" over me. It was a good feeling to get to a point in myself where it's OK to love W - it's just not OK to drag myself through the mud to do that.

So, I love her, but I also love myself. I'm moving forward with the dissolution or divorce - I owe it to my kids and myself, and I need to make sure I protect myself, but I have a different approach and perspective on it.

I'm feeling pretty good - I'm expecting and ready for rough days, but fewer and further between!

[Tawnya]

Aww {{JD}} you smoothie you!! I'm glad you are at a good point where you can just let go and just trust..that's all we can do isn't it??

Smart man about the love her and love yourself..like I told my hub, I love him, I'm not going anywhere, but I don't need him anymore..like I thought I did..so what do you know..we are growing up after all

Tawnya

[JDOllie]

OH, and I am all for Florida!

[robx]

Aww {{JD}} you smoothie you!! I'm glad you are at a good point where you can just let go and just trust..that's all we can do isn't it??

Smart man about the love her and love yourself..like I told my hub, I love him, I'm not going anywhere, but I don't need him anymore..like I thought I did..so what do you know..we are growing up after all

Tawnya

- that's an awesome response to your hubby but you can make it even better if you ever find yourself in the same conversation repeating the same thing, don't mention the part about not going anywhere - he doesn't need to know that. If the spouse knows you'll be there waiting, he can have you anytime, so he doesn't have to rush back if he ever decides to come back.

[JDOllie]

Journaling:
W is getting testy now! She called me and left me a voice mail telling me that she was getting on her own insurance as of March 1st.

I ignored the voice mail, texted back, "I have you set up to come off our insurance on March 1st." That was it.

- no flinching, strength and honor.

[silvagod]

Go JD!

That's what you need to do. Your stall is all set out, if your W wants to buy anything, there's a lot of negotiating to be done.

I'm right behind you buddy

[K4D]

JD,

I have to 2x4 you. I know its been a very long time that you have been putting up with this and you have given it a very valiant effort. Nobody can question that. But sometimes M can take longer to repair than what we think it can. You are definitely getting closer to God and that is excellent. Definitely have a relationship with Jesus. Ask him to fill you of that emptyness.

I would encourage you to keep up your efforts. If nothing else because God doesn't give up on any of us. Pray for your wife to retun to God. I don't know what yalls religious life was like before. But pray for her. If she returns to God, she will return to you. I am doing the same thing. Granted, I haven't been at this nearly as long as you have. So I won't at all discount your patience and efforts at all.

But as someone who does not want to see marriages and families fail, I have to encourage you to keep it up. Keep DBing. Don't be the one to file. If she is going to, let her do it. Keep your honor by being true to the end. And even if she does file, that doesn't necessarily mean its over. People get back together even after divorce. Be strong. I know you are. What I would say is move on in your life and DB at the same time. She is never really going to be out of your life since yall have kids together.

If she does file, then your kids will know who did the finale at the end and will be very proud of you. Set the example for them.

I know you are fed up and tired. And nobody can blame you for this. But I do want to encourage you if I can in any way to keep up the efforts and be the one standing tall at the end if it comes to that. Don't give up. You may just be getting tested right now. You never know. Something could happen that you just can't see right now and yall could end up back together and stronger than ever. It seems bleak right now. But turn to God and hand it over to him and let it be.

I care about you and your situation. Try and find the strength to be strong. Read Hosea in the bible. That guy had God tell him to go buy his wife out of slavery after she did some things. Hosea stayed faithful to God and eventually God brought back his wife.

I'm not saying she will return as only God can see the future and may have other plans. But let those plans fall into place. Don't push your own plans into what may already be planned.

Kevin

[SRTTF]

Hi JD, How are things going today? I have 1 ? for you. You came on here about the same time I did and I am in no way ready to give up (although everyone else thinks I should) but I was just wondering what kind of true feelings did you get when you were ready to send that e-mail about moving to the next step? Don't get me wrong and I don't want you upset with me for asking. I am just trying to understand what makes people say ok thats enough waiting. I hope you understand.