My situation #8

[steady]

I think there's some fear of the unknown mixed in there too. It's funny but if I knew for certain what the future held, it seems the adjustment would be soooo much easier. You got a crystal ball?

You know that's a nice thought, but honestly, it doesn't work. You can prepare yourself as much as you want, but when things actually happen, it will still knock you back a few steps. No matter how ready you are.

I liken it to the families of my patients - who are terminal - they see it coming and are still devestated when the death actually occurs. How can you prepare?

By keeping yourself strong and healthy. Which stress does not promote. And I don't have a magic cure to stop your head - only you can figure that out.

I love my W and want to keep my family together.

I know you do, but right now she's treating you like chit. Keep real about that. Doesn't change your core wishes and feelings, but know that right now, that love is not going to be returned so quit fantasizing - not telling you to give up your dream, just get real to stop the swirling.

WT

Thanks WT. I know what you mean about the terminally ill. Both my parents died in 98 from cancer and although we knew they were dying the actual death was a shock.

And you're right, it's just fantasizing. All the wishing in the world isn't going to change anything. I go up and I go down. Although she's treating my chit about the whole situation, she's still pleasant to me and we talk and even laugh. I guess that makes it harder. Sometimes I wish I was just out of the house and detaching physically. But on the other hand, my time to see my kids every day is going to end when I move out - so I'm trying to maximize it right now.

Last night I was in a great space. The last few days were good and I was able to overcome the mental swirling. It's just that sometimes it gets overwhelming and very difficult to stop.

I have to believe that this seperation is going to be a good thing for me. It's what gives me hope.