Something I received in an e-mail this morning said that if you don't need another person in your life to be happy, then you are ready to date again. I would challenge you to look at what is happening with you and MOT35 and ask if that template fits? Does she need you to be happy? Do you need her to be happy? If so, then you are not complete in your wholeness as a single person. Sorry to dump water on you if you are feeling down, but when I read that, I thought of you. Long-term healing is better than short-term pain relief. You dont want to postpone all the emotions tied to your D, and then have to deal with them again after the collapse of the next relationship.
M42 S12/D9 T17/M12 Bomb 1 3/22/06 Bomb 2 7/11/08 Bomb 3 7/31/08 W Filed 8/1/08 D granted 12/17/08 D Finalized 1/29/09
A man who compromises his principles never had them in the first place.
LE - We met when I was really happy, which I kinda think is part of why we met as I was getting a lot of female attention as Mikey will vouch for, that seems to come with the fully DB'd person. Once your done and over it (you still have lapses yes), most of the time the things you've learnt about yourself, the improvements you've made as a person and the whole happy persona you are displaying seems to attract plenty.
Anyway, back to point.....Was thinking bout this a bit yesterday. MOT35 was keener when I was more distant, once I started to be obviously keen, she has almost tried to take control and I'm not going down that slippery slope again. She is round tonite so I will say something but after this weekend we wont see each other for 2 weeks and I think that has come at a great time. Time for both of us to re evaluate etc.
OK so you get my drift and Gineen sees what I am saying as well. In my mind the fully DB'd person may not be the fully healed person. I just thought what I read in that e-mail sort of fit where you are right now. I wanted to share. Glad you see it for what it is and are willing to give R with MOT35 a breather to see what it is. I am seeing some female attention and even my medical Dr. told me the other day that once I've healed, I will have no problem finding a better W than the one I had. We discussed new relationships last night in my group and one of the guys said that when your self-worth isn't tied to what another person thinks of you, then you are complete. I don't like the timetable they suggest of four months of healing for every year of marriage, but I also don't want to rush into something and end up the worse for it later. LE
M42 S12/D9 T17/M12 Bomb 1 3/22/06 Bomb 2 7/11/08 Bomb 3 7/31/08 W Filed 8/1/08 D granted 12/17/08 D Finalized 1/29/09
A man who compromises his principles never had them in the first place.
Gee LE....sounds like you and I have been attending the same group. DivorceCare? The timetable seems off though. Mine said 1 year for every 4 years of M. That would be 3.5 years for me which seems about right.
Arthur - I hope this break brings clarity for both of you in your R. She needs to have a complete break with her H though before she can truly have any progress.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
