Exposing at EA

[Still Waters]

Thanks for the thoughtful response, Sandi.

I think that none of us LBS really know what will or won't bring our WAS back to us. We just have to do what we think is right. Sometimes what we think is right will hurt our chances of saving our M, sometimes it will help. It's great hearing about everybody's stitch's on the board, but what worked for some may not work for others. Each stitch is unique.

Ultimately, I didn't expose to save my M. I did it to save myself. I just couldn't bring myself to drop the rope when I knew that my W was alone dealing with these demons. Was she putting on a performance for me? Maybe, but how am I suppose to know that? And I'd rather err on the side of thinking that she was being genuine and worry about her safety.

Getting her family involved was the only way I could drop the rope. If I didn't, I'd be sitting here right now worrying about my W, hoping she was OK, wanting to email or call her. It was just too tough for me to detach. True, my W may not let her family help her. But at least now she has that option.

My W's family is very loving and forgiving. They will let her know that what she did (is doing) is very wrong and that they are not okay with it. But they will forgive her and they will still love her. And that's why I told them.

The thing that I don't understand is why any of the pain that this affair has caused should be deflected back onto me. It was my W who had the affair and then lied, over and over, to me and her family. Will that damage her relationship with them? Yes. But that's not my fault. I firmly believe that it's always right to tell the truth. Allowing people to live in the dark to protect them, in my opinion, shows a lack of trust and respect for that person. That's the SAME reasoning my W used when she explained why she never told me about the affair. She didn't want to hurt me, she thought I'd rather not know. But really, she made it so much worse by not telling me.

I don't like the idea of protecting people from the truth. It never works in anyone's favor, because the truth always comes out sooner or later. And like Puppy said, cheaters always lie. So waiting for my W to tell them, to tell anyone, would have been like waiting for Godot.

And I also believe that trust can be rebuilt, on both sides of this. So even though my trust in my W has been severely damaged, and now my W's trust in me may have been damaged, that doesn't mean we'll never trust each other ever again. But, one thing that will destroy any chances we have at piecing this M back together, is an ongoing affair. Because like I said, the doors are closing.