\My wife is going to leave me in 5 days--help!

[AFWAW]

Was reading Love Must Be Tough by Dr James Hobson last night and came across what fits my sitch pretty well. She works of course but before I left for this deployment she was a loving, caring woman towards me that is. I mean she had her anger about things and other problems but all in all she was a woman I had no problem spending the rest of my life with(and still don't if she comes home). Since the time I've been gone, according to the book, she has become a "new woman". And she has! While she may not be angry on the surface something that she said the other day makes it appear that she is deeply angry which matches the book also. The book says she is tired of being abused and taken for granted and disrespected. This matches in my mind as she said the other day that she wasn't taking [censored] off anyone anymore and didn't have it any her to care about anyone else anymore. She said it just clicked off one day and she wasn't doing it. The book says her attitude towards God may be likely revised--yep that matches as she told me she doesn't pray anymore and that God never answered her prayers anyway.

Now I don't know if she has run to the arms of another man and I don't know what good it will do for my self-esteem to find out if she is or has but the book says that the saddest chapter in the life of the new woman is when she runs from her children and runs to establish her new identity and runs to the arms of another man. WOW--so far this is matching pretty well except that I don't know if there is another man.

Here is the checklist given for the husband of a new woman.

1. The hostile woman may have legitimate complaints. She does and I've apologized for them, am willing to work on them with couseling to save our marraige but she cannot and will not forgive according to her. Affection is too little too late, believes I hated my SS--not the case. Believes I made fun of her--wasn't doing it intentionally--love my wife to death(these were things said early in the relationship that I had no idea hurt her and was probably teasing at the time--God that hurts me just to think about it. So she does have valid complaints which I would be overjoyed to work on if given the opportunity but alas, she would rather not.
2. Once the storm begins to howl, it resembles the turmoil of adolescencse. Ok, this one is a little harder but she is definantly acting like a young 20 something woman--new body(smoking hot), gorgeous hair, 20 something attitude from hell--you all the woman that knows she looks good and is not going to take crap from anyone cause she knows she can get away with it--thats my take anyway. Very hostile
3. This particulary new hostile woman needs her space during her discontent and should be given it. If she would seperate from her family, let her go.(A lot harder to do than say--really hurts me that she is doing this). The book says if she doesn't call leave her to her solitude(I haven't called except to return one of the calls about my daughter--I want to though but realize there is no reasoning with her at this point). Let her feel that she is free in the spirit that I have described. Open the door to her domestic cage, but make her do the flying.
4. At some point, if infidelity is involved, it will be appropriate to apply the principles of loving toughness described herein. Great tact and wisdom are required to know how and when to say; That's enough; now make your choice. I'll accept either decision.

I still don't know if there is someone else--I will assume worst case scenario for arguements sake and leave it at that. I mean really, what good will it do for me to find out anyway? If she were still in the home and wanting to work on us then ok I could see how this would be important. But am I missing something? TELL ME, why do I need to know this if she's not even willing to try and save the marraige? To make me more miserable? To make her more spiteful? Someone help me out here please.

I am trying to be the better person in this. I have not pointed any fingers at my wife since I have been home. I will not bash her in couseling. I will seek to understand why she is doing this so if and when it is really over, I mean really over if I am ever lucky enough to find someone else who is special, I don't make the same mistakes. I have taken so much for granted in my life and it breaks my heart that I usually get things too late.

Gonna read some more of DB today. Try to clean the house up a little too. Really just don't care right now though.