Rob, I'm doing well in most respects...though I still have my tough times...today was a tough day...Just had to go through a process a lot of the loss that comes from the end of a marriage - and a lot of the pain that was left behind. There's also just the occasional concern that I am being hit with a hell of a lot at once - and I just have to keep moving so I don't sink. One big realization that hit me today was that I am a good man and a good father - and when she left me I was a good man and good father then too....Not that I didn't have things to work on and improve in myself as a man/father - but i wasn't the man she concocted in her mind just so she could leave me...and knowing that is both liberating and kind of sad...since it also tells me that she was going to do what she had to do no matter what...but, then again, given how much I've learned with her leaving...it has been quite the blessing in disguise.
I also want to tell you just how timely your words were for me today - in a tough day, when I was feeling not as strong and not as together as I might come across in my words here, it was comforting to read your words...in particular the value of being a better role model to our children then what we were offered growing up.
I do still plan on going back into teaching - it's the one job I've had that I have always missed - and when I was teaching I also never felt like it was "work" - since it was just so very enriching to share in the development of others.
I know I've got a huge mountain to climb over the next few weeks/months...and I intend to keep moving onward no matter what. These days, whenever I have a moment of fear I immediately know that it's a sign of something I have to work on - something I have to face - accept - and make the most of - otherwise I risk too much.
I still get pain in my chest sometimes - but it's not out of the loss of my M anymore...it's just the pain of rebuilding...and whenever I feel it I know there's something I have to accept, reflect on, process, perhaps mourn, and through that, I heal.
You are a good man, Rob. Among the best of them...And I appreciate your friendship and respect your capacity for compassion.
