((SC)), Not to negate your feelings, but there's probably some validity in your H's perceptions of you and his own self-image just as there is in yours. And just like you must not be negated so must he not be negated in order for love to bloom. An unhealthy pattern has developed and it looks to me that both of you have a big part in it. Dare I say abuse is flying in both directions. So you are BOTH not emotionally healthy and assertive enough as a result. H's responses are coming from fear - fight or flight - he's hurting as a result of your emotional state but does not know how to respond assertively. I could be wrong, but he does not seem like a BAD guy to me or you would have left a long time ago.
I'm not sure IC for H would necessarily help. I'll try to tell you why. He'll tell the IC all his feelings and frustrations with you. The IC will mostly validate him. And what does this do for the R? It will most likely make matters worse. Its bad enough you have Doc doing this for you. I think the only way C of any kind (IC or MC) can work is if you BOTH go with at least the attitude: I HAVE ISSUES; I WAN'T TO CHANGE. MY H HAS ISSUES; I WANT TO LEARN TO COPE AND HELP HIM COPE. I WANT TO BE MORE LOVING TO MY SPOUSE. I DON'T WANT TO HURT OR BE HURT. PLEASE HELP ME. If you don't have at least this its a big waste of money.
I think some kind of spiritual direction for both of you may help a lot more to bring peace to you and then to your family. I've seen for myself that the psychology approach is like Newtonian Mechanics vs. the Theory of Relativity. Try to explore this route with that keen mind of yours. If I'm not making sense I'm sure FG will.
