FIB and naej are right. I've been a fool. I've been trying to "fake it til I make it", but what I've really been doing is refusing to face the reality, that my H just doesn't love me any more and he's not coming back.
Even when the PA came out and he agreed to go to C sessions together, that lasted only a month before he couldn't stand it any more. He just doesn't want me! Since then, he has been good to me regarding finances and such, and is taking all the responsibility for the houses.
Even though he threatened "dropping" S17, he has not done so and in fact spent some really good time with him last night so I understand.
This morning, I called H and told him that I was sorry for putting him through the discomfort of my meltdowns the last couple of weeks, and that he did not need to go to the C session next week with me. He seemed a little cautious but relieved. He said that he was sorry and he truly didn't want to hurt me, but he just "has to go in a different direction".
Even my C seemed glad that I have finally seen the truth that H is not "just" in MLC, but has had this coming on for a very long time. Perhaps the time we were "dating" back in August & September of last year, was him "trying" to see if he could have feelings for me again. I don't know.
What I do know is that I will never be the same again. I don't see how I will ever "get over this".
TJ
Me45,H49 D24,S18 M26,T28 Bomb 3/19/08 Sep 6/23/08 EA/PA with Secretary 2007-8 3/2009 H moved in w/OW2 7/2009 Let him go w/Love. 8/2009 Legally Sep'd
