{{{Glam}}} I can't imagine you without patience. You are the "Unconditional Love Guru" extraordinaire!!! You really inspire me! And I really appreciate you sharing your experience with me.
Originally Posted By: a new 2moro
he is dating and you two are doing MC? Not gonna work
{{{new 2}}} No, we are not in MC. We have had C sessions together, mostly to talk about S17, but H refuses to even discuss the M. The "together" session I postponed to next week stems from a backslide I had last week in response to finding out he is dating. I told him that the only thing I didn't understand about this whole thing is why he refuses MC. He said he would like to answer my question, but would like to do it in session so we have a mediator.
{{{MIP}}} Yep, it's been a "rough" couple of weeks! As I have said before, it's like climbing a ladder that I keep falling off of. I get a little higher each time, but that means when I fall it hurts more!
{{{ST}}} Do you really think I still have a chance? My H seems so far gone and he is so very stubborn. If I'm honest though, I guess I would have to say that my real problem is still a lack of self confidence. He is a good looking man, and he makes a hefty paycheck now. Our kids are grown. There's nothing really to motivate him to come back to me.
I also wanted to share with y'all something that happened this morning. If you've been following my threads, you may remember that last month I got "hit on" for the first time in my life by a fellow commuter. Since then, if we see each other on the bus, we will say "Hi" and maybe chat a little.
Last night, when I got off the bus in front of the grocery store because I had that "claustrophobic" panic attack, apparently this guy was worried about me. And when I saw him this morning, he came over to me and asked if I was OK, and said that after he got his car at the park-n-ride lot, he had driven back to the place where I got off the bus to look for me!! I found this very touching, especially because I have told him a little about my sitch and that I am standing for my M. His concern and sensitivity really surprised me because he is a real "blue collar" type of guy, and not very "polished", so I wouldn't have thought him to be the type to go out of his way like that.
This episode made me think a little about what I am doing yearning for a man who treats me so shabbily, when there are genuinely caring men like this out there? I always hated when I saw women who go for the "bad boys" who treat them poorly, and then won't go out with the sweet "nerdy" guys who would treat them well. But, I always thought what I had was one of the nerdy sweet ones......before the bomb.
Tonight I was supposed to cook dinner for H and S17, but H ended up changing his mind and took S17 out instead. I am glad he is spending time with our S at least.
TJ
Me45,H49 D24,S18 M26,T28 Bomb 3/19/08 Sep 6/23/08 EA/PA with Secretary 2007-8 3/2009 H moved in w/OW2 7/2009 Let him go w/Love. 8/2009 Legally Sep'd
Oh my gosh girl I had NO patience when this all began. I was flying off the handle right and left.
Telling h how he was breaking up the family, telling him what to do, being demanding, giving him the cold shoulder.
Telling him what I really thought about him when I was angry. Yikes! I wouldn't want those words repeated or recorded.
I really needed to get a grip! I prayed and prayed for patience. I prayed for love and kindness and for the anger to go away towards my h.
I have come a long way, but it wasn't without God nor was it without these threads to keep me going and to get encouragement.
I also started reading any book I could get my hands on to help me cope. I know this isn't easy. We have all walked in your shoes.
You don't know if your h would ever return. Only God knows that. He won't return with how you are handling things now. All he wants to do is get further and further away from you. He just wants to be left alone. You make his head spin.
You don't think my h was there. He just didn't want anything to do with me. I believe he still loved me deep inside, but it was buried and by me finally leaving him alone he was able to think, process life and eventually be drawn back to me.
He still says that the anger is what keeps him from coming home, so we still have much work to do, but at least there is progress and we are closer today than we were almost 3 years ago.
Me 50 H 42 S 22 S 9 D 7 M 12 T 17 H moved out 8/2006 H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks H moved home 5/2011 for good
"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"
....I also started reading any book I could get my hands on to help me cope.
I do this too! Any time I have ever had a problem in my life, I always immediately have to read whatever I can about it. It's a control thing I'm sure, and it makes me feel much less "helpless". I swear I have 50 "self help" books in my "library" that I haven't even got to yet.
Originally Posted By: glamgirl
....... but at least there is progress and we are closer today than we were almost 3 years ago.
When I think of 3 years doing this........I just can't think about it because it just wigs me out!
And by the way, e-mail me through the Alt and let me know what dates you are going to be up this way, and what your schedule is. I know you are coming with your family and will be really busy, but maybe we could meat for lunch....or even just coffee.
[[[[[[glam]]]]]]
TJ
Me45,H49 D24,S18 M26,T28 Bomb 3/19/08 Sep 6/23/08 EA/PA with Secretary 2007-8 3/2009 H moved in w/OW2 7/2009 Let him go w/Love. 8/2009 Legally Sep'd
Hey S, how are you? Dont try to think of 3 years doing this - it will make you freak! Slow and steady, a day at a time. You can do it, I know you can.
The most important thing is to keep the focus off your h and on your life and your son. I know its difficult, heck, even I cant do it most days, but it really is the only way to get through it.
FIB and naej are right. I've been a fool. I've been trying to "fake it til I make it", but what I've really been doing is refusing to face the reality, that my H just doesn't love me any more and he's not coming back.
Even when the PA came out and he agreed to go to C sessions together, that lasted only a month before he couldn't stand it any more. He just doesn't want me! Since then, he has been good to me regarding finances and such, and is taking all the responsibility for the houses.
Even though he threatened "dropping" S17, he has not done so and in fact spent some really good time with him last night so I understand.
This morning, I called H and told him that I was sorry for putting him through the discomfort of my meltdowns the last couple of weeks, and that he did not need to go to the C session next week with me. He seemed a little cautious but relieved. He said that he was sorry and he truly didn't want to hurt me, but he just "has to go in a different direction".
Even my C seemed glad that I have finally seen the truth that H is not "just" in MLC, but has had this coming on for a very long time. Perhaps the time we were "dating" back in August & September of last year, was him "trying" to see if he could have feelings for me again. I don't know.
What I do know is that I will never be the same again. I don't see how I will ever "get over this".
TJ
Me45,H49 D24,S18 M26,T28 Bomb 3/19/08 Sep 6/23/08 EA/PA with Secretary 2007-8 3/2009 H moved in w/OW2 7/2009 Let him go w/Love. 8/2009 Legally Sep'd
Not a fool. If he is doing the MLC thing (affair with the secretary!) then what you do really isn't going to change what he does. Unless it makes it worse. So, your motivation needs to be to take care of yourself, not to try to influence what he does. If you are going to fake it, do it because it helps you feel better.
I guess my point is, don't be too hard on yourself. Everyones's path through this is different, and even if you do everything "right" there are no guarantees. Except that you are a better person at the end. It's not a bad result!
You really inspire me! And I really appreciate you sharing your experience with me. 
