I hate sometimes to compare our stitches because I had an A and you aren't sure and aren't going to pursue. I completely understand. I felt guilty and I wanted my H to be happy, too. I knew I was making him unhappy, but I believed that I was doing the right thing for him. (You mean HE gets to choose what he believes??!! lol) I believed he deserved somebody who loved everything about him and who could be faithful to him. I didn't think I truly made him happy. Otherwise why did he need to drink like a fish to be around me?
So I was good to let him go because I had rationalized it in my mind that I was doing him a favor! I was preventing him from being really hurt. He said he was miserable, but if he would have known the truth at the time, he sure wouldn't have been. I figured it was just a matter of time before he would be okay. You hear/see all the time that people move on, it's a fact of life, life is better after divorce, etc. Until you start reading around and realize, no stupid, that's not true. It's not always better. It doesn't feel better yet, and it should according to those "other sources".
You have to forgive yourself for not doing all those things that you think would have meant something, because there is no guarantee in that either. There are no guarantees. No matter how much we all wish we could do that for each other, it's just not possible. Be patient. PLEASE don't give up. Forgive yourself and start to change the things you don't like.
VDay is Saturday. In the past, I really haven't done anything for H. He "never" did for me, so why would I? Because. That's not the person I want to be anymore. I want to do those things. I am tired of being a martyr. And maybe it's just one of those little 180s that will help show him things CAN be different if he will let them. She will see it, too. I promise. Just calm, cool, relaxed. You are doing good.
Melissa
"Standing knee deep in a river and dying of thirst."
