You have learned so much and obvioulsy love your boys so much that you will, of course, be an incredible guide for them.
I wish more men were raising boys like you are - teaching them to feel their feelings, all of them, and to think about them, rather than sublimating them.
Like I said, you'll be teaching seminars in this stuff soon. Mark my words...
Carlos, I replied about the book on my thread. He sums it up at the endof his preface as : "Stop waiting Feel everything Love achingly Give impeccably Let go
Repeat with whatever remains, as long as you are moved to do so. This way dissolves wide open" K
Well...what you just quoted sold me on the book already...It is now on my list of books to get...along with one recommended to me by SmartCookie...about raising boys to be extraordinary men.
Hi V, This weekend looks like it might just be a weekend for S11 and me to spend together as my S2's mom wants to visit her parents again. I was reluctant to agree at first - since I value the time my boys get to spend together - but I also realize just how much it means to my S11 to get alone time with me...if the weather holds up, I plan on taking him camping down in Joshua Tree - where we can do lots of bouldering.
My baby boy is home sick with me again today...slight fever...he's napping next to me as I type. He's so adorable...I just wish he were feeling better.
It exemplifies what troubles me with this approach...It's a quiz for a wife to determine if her H is cheating - I answered it honestly from my point of view - and it would have warned B that I was cheating on her...though that was never the case when she dropped the bomb...It seems like a gimmicky way to get people to worry about and try to fix their marriages...not by working on themselves but by fixating on their impressions of their partner - if B would have taken this quiz, she would have certainly been convinced that I was cheating on her - which would just have been a distraction from the real issues at hand...
Carlos, Just checking in. You are amazing. Strength and Honor.
Cheers Coach
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Hi Coach, thanks for checking in. You know I have that Stockdale Paradox memorized now - and have worked it into lessons to my S11 - namely, the importance of being honest with oneself about the facts of our reality - I wasn't raised that way - as children we were too often encouraged to lie and hide our own reality - especially when bouncing back and forth between my parents' homes after they divorced...it made it easy to become a story teller - but it interfered a lot with my ability to be honest with myself in the way I am now...it used to frighten me to be too honest with myself - even though I had no trouble being honest to the point of being too blunt with others....
Just taking a moment for a quick bit of journaling...
I still have a lot going on in my life...I plan on moving at the end of this month, though still haven't been able to find a place - though I think it may just mean that I have to step out of my head some more and step into the world more to look at places. I'll have S11 with me this weekend, so I thought it would be nice to take him alone with me to see a few places.
I'm starting to get some small bites on the job front...though things are still a bit slower than usual. We'll see what comes next.
On the personal front, things are moving along fine. My friendship with my new friend continues to grow - and I continue to check and monitor my feelings and my personal growth. I know that I still have much to work on in myself...and so I take time out every day to consider where I've been, where I am, and where I am going.
Interactions with B haven't changed much. She's planning on taking S2 to visit her parents again this weekend - which, though I was resistant to at first, could be nice for our baby - and also gives me the chance to spend some bonding time with S11. It will also give us a chance to start packing up stuff in his room.
The idea of moving troubles me at times - even just leaves me feeling upset and disappointed with B's pettiness. The house I live in now isn't ideal - but it was a great place for the kids - with a large living room, a pool, lots of fruit trees and space for them to play...I won't be able to afford a place like this on my own - at least not in the short term - and so moving will mean a big change for me and for the boys...hopefully, though, I'll be able to find something that they'll enjoy.
Sounds like you are continuing to handle things very well. Good news about the work picking up, even a little.
Great idea to take your son with you to look at places. Making him a part of a major change for him will definitely give him a sense of control over his life and surroundings that we all need to have to feel secure.
I realize that changing your home is not ideal, but I bet you will make new discoveries with your boys in a new place that will create wonderful memories. Don't boys like to explore things? So, you'll have a whole new place, neighborhood, etc. for exploration. You can explore with them. I think it sounds pretty exciting, really.
Hey, man. I'm glad to see you are doing so well. I love your thoughts of "I wasn't raised that way..." but it doesn't mean you can't be that type of man now.
I completely agree w/that too. I didn't have the benefit of a solid set of role models, but that doesn't mean I can't be a solid role model myself and a better human being than what I was taught to be growing up.
I completely agree, my friend.
On the job front, are you still considering teaching again? It is fairly recession-proof.
I would love to have the ability to be as strong in my transition as you've been in yours. I started earlier, but you are now way ahead of me. It goes to who we are and I just have more work to do on me than you do, I guess.
I'm not worried as I know I'm a very good man. I'll be fine and you and the others will keep being my inspiration.
Don't worry too much about 'having' to get a smaller place. Move so you're near a park or some sort of space. Your boys are getting older so they will enjoy the extra space. Plus getting out in public places will help you to interact with others and will assist in preventing isolation which is too easy to do when you are a single parent trying to juggle everythign.
** Purple
As soon as you trust yourself you will know how to live. Goethe
