okay, I am going to need a lot of support on this one. I am really considering call it quits. My ex and I have been a lot of progress. We talk a lot on the phone, play around, etc. But I feel that what I did is not repairable. That I will never be good enough for her. It seems like I can never get the benefit of the doubt and I am tried of trying to be Mr. Perfect.
So here is what happened today that made me vent like this. We were talking about the economy (something I know a lot about since I am an economist) and somehow we got into the topic of whether or not her best friend could buy a house today given that he has bad credit. Well, I told my ex that he could, but that it would be a high interest right, yada yada yada. And since I work with a lot of economic data all day, I throw in some statistics to prove my point. Well, she took it that I was trying to belittle her friend and told her that I had nothing again him. She then proceeded to tell me that I was lying and that I hate her best friend. We then went back and forth on this. We were going to go out to dinner tonight and were also going to go look for some shoes for her. But she was upset (although she pretended not to be) and told me that she didn't feel like going. She then continued with the I hate her best friend argument. I told her why would I put myself in so much misery by helping her and her friend buy a house together. I told her that I was not happy with the living situation and that I wanted to make things work out but she didn't. I told her that I was upset that I don't get the benefit of the doubt on anything and that nothing I do for her will ever be good enough to prove her otherwise.
I truly understand why she would be offended and I should have just let her win her argument (better to be happy than to be right), but I let my ego get the best of me. I called her up and left a message on her voicemail, basically telling her that I was sorry for what I said and that I don't have anything against her best friend - that I just wish things were different. I told her on her voicemail that I understand why she doesn't believe me because I did a good job of screwing up the last 3 years.
The thing is that this Friday she was going to take me out to a very fancy restaurant because she said that she wanted to show me how much she appreciates all I do for her. And this evening we were going to go shoe shopping so she has something to match her dress.
Tomorrow I have an interview for a senior director position and I was thinking to myself that this is the last thing I need to be worrying about. I love my wife so much, and I know I need to watch her actions and not her words - but she is so use to have friends that are men that maybe I am just another best friend in her life and nothing more. Well, wish me luck on my interview.
