Everyone complains about their job (except me!!! LOL!!!!Yeah right...). Just listen, ask questions, show some empathy and let her vent. This is a great opportunity to work on listening/empathy skills).
Try not to take it too personally if your W has sleep problems. My H has them too and sometimes he'll put a sleeping bag on the floor or go down to the office to sleep. When he was "separated" from me just before the D, I even put an extra bed in our bedroom. She definitely should not be sleeping in your son's room. That's not healthy for your son. But a futon or "guest bed" in the office would be best (and, of course, appropriate for the separation).
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
Son and I made a sign and hug it on the inside of the garage door. I made it so that when Wife opens the door to park inside the sign comes down on a string. It says:
Smile.(with the picture of a smiley face).. Your home sweet home now .... And we love you.. Son & Doc...
Ok I hope I do not get banned but I read something in this book and It means sooo much I think others can use it.....
"You cannot change your spouse. As much as you may want to, you cannot play God and reach into their heart and mold them into what you want them to be. BUT that's what most couples spend a large part of their time trying to do... change their spouse.
Insanity has been described as doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. But isn't that what happens when you try to change your spouse?
You need to become a "wise farmer" A farmer cannot make a seed grow into a fruitful crop. He cannot argue, manipulate, or demand it to bear fruit. BUT he can plant the seed into fertile soil, give it water and nutrients, protect it from weeds and then turn it over to God.
Wow, this is deep. Doc is changing... The OM is becoming a distant memory. Watching my Wife grow is all I want to do now. The funny thing is that all I am doing is changing me. I am clearing myself of the weeds. Most of the "caring things" I have done in the past were a forms of manipulation. I am not sure what is happening to me but it has had a dramatic affect on my life as a whole. At home, at work out in the public. Like I said before my mind and mouth are no longer on auto pilot. I think about what I am thinking. I analyze thoughts I have to see if they are worth my time to worry about. My words are chosen wisely. I say what I need to say without any added garbage. Any "side notes" peppered with snide remarks about issues that are not pertinent to the conversation..I am probably not making any sense to anyone but all I know is I really like what I am becoming.
Later Doc
P.S PLEASE do not ban me for the stuff from the book. Delete this post if you want but please do not ban me..
Thanks
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Wife just got home. When she came in she said that the sign made her laugh.... She then said.. "what are you guys tired of me comming home a grump? I told her no we just like to see her smile..
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
This morning I turned the sign around so now she will see it when she leaves....
Last night I asked W how her day went she said better and then started in on all the problems at work. I did not understand half of what she was talking about but shook my head anyway. NO FIXING
Doc
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Update.... Wife came home with a smile on her face and asked "Where are the margaritas?. I said "coming right up" she said "when I saw that sign I thought..That sounds GREAT". (2 points for Doc)
I am not trying to manipulate wife. What I am trying to do is both show her I am thinking about her and making coming home something to look forward to. (Providing fertile soil for my crop)
So tonight before bed I again will let her vent to me about her work....But tomorrow night Doc is going out GALing.... Saturday is day 3 of my love dare.......(I have read ahead to day 19)...
Tuesday I will find out if I still have a job but I am not worried. What I have no control over I have learned to let go..
Everyone have a great night Doc
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
You sound great! I like your mental attitude and I like that you are having fun doing nice things for W. It's almost like "Pay it Forward" but with the people in your world.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
