You're right, I normally feel that he takes a competitive approach to our conversations. I feel like I'm talking with the devil's advocate on most things.
Yes. I suspect that is the case. That is the reason I recommend that you say that you are moving out. If you say you want him to move out he more than likely would try to challenge that and take his normal competitive approach. He may play the devil's advocate on that too if you say that you are leaving. If he does, (and says, no he will leave) then take him up on his offer. If he doesn't, then it still shows that you have grown and will tackle this on your own and find a way. This way he will have a harder time getting his way and trying to turn this into your fault.
Quote:
I AM that serious. I am GLAD to go. I just don't want to rip the kids up & away from their friends, & their environment.
Understandable. You are a "smart cookie". Find a way that works. I bet you underestimate what the kids have secretly observed with how he has spoken to you over the years. They may just surprise you. You need to be the rock for them and show leadership. You are no doubt stronger than I think you have realized yet. If you have boys, they are subconsciously learning that this is how men treat women. Girls could be damaged by thinking that they should take men talking like this to them. They may even say to themselves "I would never let a man talk to me that way." Don't fool yourself. They HAVE been observing this too.
Quote:
I dont know........[censored] [censored] [censored]...... I suppose because it's gone on for soooooooooooo long.
I'm sorry for your pain. I do understand completely. The fear of what you are going to do since you have been a SAHM for so long. The Kids? Where will I live? Can I really make it on my own? I know I come across to people that don't like my way of posting as insensitive. That is far from fact. You will do what you have to do. You will find a way. You will go through a wide range of emotions. Fear can paralyze people. "Who Moved My Cheese" is a good book that talks about overcoming fear and how it can lead to things you never dreamed of.
Quote:
Now I'm crying because I hear that you get it. I'm also embarrased because this is not me. This is not who I was. I was better than this when I met him. I was stronger than this.
I get it. Nothing to be embarrased about things with the old Gooch. You are well loved on this site. Far different than feelings many have for me huh?
Don't underestimate how strong you are. Strength isn't measured in how you feel, but in how you respond and act when you are in the valley and don't know where it leads you.
Quote:
Yes, that makes sense. It felt that way to me too. Then I thought I should just leave him with everything for a month or so & let him see how easy it is being a SAHM with 4 kids.
BINGO.... I wanted to advise that to you earlier,but thought it may be too much too soon. SEE? That wasn't hard was it? You have a good head on your shoulders. I see it with your replies to others day after day. NOW is the time to use that gift you have as a gift to yourself. Your instincts are good. Use them.
Quote:
I visualize my own place. I feel calm & safe. I wish I could move into the motel I spent 2 days at. It was great, too small for 4 kids though.
Excellent. You could get into the decorating your way and furnishing and all the things you women love to do when getting your nest ready. It will make you feel good. Weigh your options and use your good instincts. Think what you would tell others on here to do. How many times have I seen you be commended for your advice. Many. That feedback should tell you that you will be just fine.
Quote:
For so many years, I thought he was the "healthy" one. I had him on a pedastal. I thought he knew what was best for the kids & me. I thought I was messed up from my childhood, & I looked to him for the answers. I trusted him to keep me safe, & protect me & love me.
He may be healthy in some ways. I think most of us understand that he isn't all bad and it wasn't all bad. It isn't over yet. I must tell you that if you follow through on the separation, that you need to be prepared if he panics and makes some more promises. It would not surprise me if he does. It is time for HIM to get healthy in the ways he isn't. Just because someone has a broken foot doesn't mean that his hand is broken. The foot needs to be healed.
