You never know what's going on in their heads right? Even if she goes this road you have no control over it anyway. AND even if she starts there is no reason why you can't DB her out of following through with it. Nothing is over until YOU decide it's over. It's about you not her.
I understand the pain. I am right there with ya bud!
Stay strong! We care!
Jeff
***Getting up every day and learning to breathe in a new me. For me and my children***
Me: 43 W: 38 SD-15 S(s): 12,9,7 Separated-2/14/2009 My sitch
Thank you. The wine is a good idea, but I won't have a chance as we are meeting right after work. I don't think that whether or not it's my D's b-day will make a difference. I don't know, maybe I am jumping to conclusions, but I don't think she'd say she was down if it were anything good. She's just not interested in being married right now and all of her actions show that. I like your suggested response and I will try to remember to say things like that. I have been praying since speaking to her this morning and I will continue to pray that my response to whatever she says glorifies God.
It's so hard for me to believe that I can decide when this is over. I can spend the rest of my life persuing her and just end up bruised and battered. I just don't know. It's like holding on to a car that's speeding away, all you end up with are scraped knees. Thanks for the support, though. This site and all you guys really do help.
Focus on the positive outcomes of those who have perservered. Look at Pup and what he went through and now where he is at with his wife. It can be done. Your wife is not herself right now. Don't waste your life worrying about her action because you can't control it. Like Pup would say until she comes around love her and get going with your life.
Be ready when it comes crashing down.
Jeff
***Getting up every day and learning to breathe in a new me. For me and my children***
Me: 43 W: 38 SD-15 S(s): 12,9,7 Separated-2/14/2009 My sitch
I also would suggest having a glass of wine, or -- better -- an anti-anxiety pill right before meeting with her, if you got one.
Just go with no expectations, and LISTEN. If she says she wants a D, then I like what was suggested above by NewGal as a response.
Your wife (and you) will forever remember this moment. HANDLE IT WITH CLASS AND DIGNITY, and give her pause for thought. Tell her you love her, this is not what you want, but that you won't stop her if it's what SHE wants. Hold your head up high and tell her "you won't find anyone else like me, but I understand this is how you feel right now," or some such, so you DON'T SELL YOURSELF SHORT.
I would expect something from her that depicts HER as the suffering victim here.
Thank you, Puppy. I really hope I am jumping to conclusions. I have a tendancy to think the worst, but I just can't imagine what else it could be. If it is the D word, I really do want to handle it with class and, as you say, give her something to think about. I've been praying all day and I appreciate the prayers of others.
It's good to prepare for the worst -- anything good will just be gravy.
Also, remember this: WHATEVER she says, doesn't necessarily mean that has to be. It's like a national election: a LOT can happen between now and D-day. If she is in as deep with OM as we feel she is, then she's way fogged out right now anyway.
It's the ol' "believe NONE of what they say, and only HALF of what they do" mantra. It's soooo true.
I've been meaning to ask you... How dagone long did it take you to refine your approach in your situation? In other words was it trial and error that refined the techniques? Or did this just come to you?
Sorry for the highjack!
Jeff
***Getting up every day and learning to breathe in a new me. For me and my children***
Me: 43 W: 38 SD-15 S(s): 12,9,7 Separated-2/14/2009 My sitch
I had a ton of help from folks in the SSM forum -- notably a guy named NOP, and his wife (cleverly named "MrsNOP"). They tried to warn me even before I discovered my wife's affair, but I was stubborn and didn't listen.
Once I engaged, however, I was pretty much ballz-to-the-wall in full affairbusting mode. I made some mistakes along the way, but we did bust up the affair relatively quickly (the mystique was gone and it was effectively "dead" after about two months; she ended it completely and came back to the marriage after three months).
