Thanks for your thoughtful response, SW. I get the "closing door" analogy. For me, my problem is that my wife would figure out a way to get those doors to stop closing at times. I mistakenly viewed that as her being willing to walk through them, but it's simply not the case... she just doesn't want them to shut (she wants the excitement of her EA and the stability and comfort that I provide).
What I had to do, for my own sanity, was to stop actively controlling the doors. I have since stepped back and put a time limit on them. They are now closing steadily without interference from me or from her. If she wishes to join me on the other side, she knows how much time she has to do so. If she can't or won't make that step, then the finality of it is on her shoulders.
