My WAW said something a while back that has been bugging me. When we've discussed the OM and her EA, I've asked questions like: "what if I had intervened earlier?" "what if circumstances had changed and my W never met the OM?"
Her response (and she has said this multiple times) was that if it wasn't this OM, it probably would have been someone else. I've wondered if this is really true, or if it's a way for her to rationalize her behavior (i.e. "this EA happened because it was destined to happen given my feelings and the state of my marriage.")
For others who have gone through this, what are your thoughts? Did you believe that an affair was inevitable for your spouse, or was it simply circumstance and opportunity that led to the relationship with that particular OM/OW?
In a way, I think the former is almost easier to deal with, because if it was something about the particular OM/OW, it creates too many "what if" questions like I asked myself above. It makes you think that if things had just happened slightly differently in the past, it could have been the difference between a broken marriage and a happy one.
