I know for a fact my H has been checking around...& his OW is giving him advice also..
it's the fear of the unknown...trying to get past that though...I can't worry about it I guess...if it happens, I have to deal with it...but it will kill me....
Did you see the movie Fireproof??....Omg...it was my life...
When he threatened what did he say?
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
He would just say that it was over and he was getting a D. He told his family, my family, friends etc. I honestly thought it was going to happen. I was afraid when the doorbell rang that it was going to be the sheriff at the door to serve me.
Yep the unknown will kill you. From my sitch what I have learned is not to worry about it until and if it happens. I spent too much time worrying about the unknown!
My H has told everyone it's over...that he is happy with his OW and that we are only married on paper...it hurts...
Then he will text me out of the blue and tell me things about his job or now...his ankle....then if I text back...he backs off...I don't get that...I usually answer with one word or something about s11..or sometimes I don't answer at all...it's just weird to me...this whole thing...
I hope I'm changing, becoming a more patient person...a forgiving person...friends tell me Im doing great but I don't feel it...and I'm going out on Valentines Day with a bunch of people...it's going to be a blast...I actually am looking forward to it....
Got my hair done last night...H told me I needed to cut that out...I don't think so....
And you're right about the doorbell thing...I'm so scared when it rings or someone knocks on the door...my heart drops...seriously...
I have to keep telling myself H is the one losing...I took care of him...I took care of my family...that's what I did...and I'm proud of that...It's why God put me on this earth...
While on my retreat a few weeks ago with the senior class a student told me I was a very strong woman who loves her family and promised to come to the office everyday to hug me...WEll... they have...it's amazing...I touched a childs life and it wasnt my own child...those 900 kids at that school are a blessing to me...and they know it...I am fortunate God put me there in the midst of all that love....
Last edited by Treese; 02/12/0912:29 AM.
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
My H used to do the same things out of the blue. You see they still want that connection with us. Think about it, they have spent all these years with us and have alot of history. You can't erase that, no matter how hard they try it is still there.
I used to get he was happy with his ow and there was nothing between us anymore. I think they just try to convince themselves of that.
You are getting there. Have faith and keep doing for you and your kiddos.
As you know my H too feels very happy with his ow, and they are always out and about doing fun stuff together. He honestly thinks that this is IT for him. In retrospect, ...how is it possible that they 'see' things that way....and what makes the situation of 'waking up' and returning home, different to maybe never 'waking up' from this and having found what they were looking for in that ow afterall....
I think what I'm trying to ask is....how come for some men, the ow remains the attraction and 'love of their life' and for some men, they end up missing home and their x-spouse so much that they want to return.... In a way, you see, it sometimes feels like we DO have 17 years of history, but it's never been enough for him to miss ME or miss US...does that mean I am not good enough to come back to, or is ow too good to be true, or is it truly a thing in our H's mind....
Just wondering...Thanks xx
Love Cinders xxx
"In the depths of my winter, I realized there is within me an invincible summer" Albert Camus
Hi Yellowrose, sorry to butt in and I know I cannot speak from the voice of having a H return. In fact my x was much like Cinders H and I know they are in the majority but I just wanted to gently give C a slap on the wrist for this...
Quote:
...does that mean I am not good enough to come back to, or is ow too good to be true, or is it truly a thing in our H's mind....
That is utter rubbish Cinders,you are more than good enough. I think and just my op. that sometimes they change so much and they just want different things than those we both started off with. All things change we are not the same people we were at 20yrs, life changes us, we grow and sometimes we do not grow in the same direction as our spouse,hense they leave. I also believe my x is /was a good man and as much as he hated hurting me/us he felt he had no choice and I think now he does love the OW and in his world they are happy. That has no bearing on my goodness or lack of it. We are not in competition (much as I felt I was and couldn't understand why he didn't see I was a million times better in all aspects, job, home maker, cook, hostess,mother etc). So sorry for the ramble YR but I am sure you can give your POV from a different perspective. Cinders, go wash your mouth out with soap and water!
I know it's not that I'm not good enough or pretty enough or any of that..but yes, as a woman who has been 'dumped', I tend to sometimes wonder if that is why he never wanted to come back.
I do believe that people evolve differently and also the ow or om has an influence in which way they end up evolving... Yes, we were on the same path, yes, we no longer are on the same path. Sad, but true.
I must say, my path is looking good right now and I have all sorts of ideas as to how evolve on my path !
Thanks for the slap on the wrist...and of course, I went down a cheesless tunnel with that question.... (embarrasement!)
Love Cinders xxx
"In the depths of my winter, I realized there is within me an invincible summer" Albert Camus
Good girl. I think the fact that I didn't know about this site for a v long time meant I missed out at a crucial time of trying to save my marriage BUT I think I saved myself from an avalanche of 2x4's and beatings!!! I can say (now) that I cried out to the heavens and anyone else within earshot on a daily basis the same questions and many more that had no answers. You however are much smarter than me
, I washed !!