The Unfaithful Wife - That's Still Me #3

[25yearsmlc]

Enough with the math and rubbing it in my face you fools....

Anyhow, the plumber came and said my kitchen hot water heater was broken and sure enough it looked that way. So he replaced it and now there's a F----- leak from my water FILTER which he said he is not responsible for b/c.....um, he doesn't know those things....wth? Gotta go battle that poop now...

Oh AND there's a hole in my ceiling downstairs, that probably should be there to air out the water damage?? I guess....but sh--, and H will be here in a few hours and nope, the house is NOT clean and nope, I just got the water back on....so I'll be lucky to be clean and shave my legs. Forget about a wax...anyfoofoo--

Okay, what was I saying??? oh two things. First, ME. A teaching job may open up all of a sudden (after saying NO more hiring and "big staff cuts" and blah blah blah) but guess what? If you say you'll teach in a low income school, there ARE jobs...

So, I'm left with the question of why there's a job open like that, if there are no jobs? Could it be because I'll need a concealed weapon permit to go to work? Bear spray won't do anything if the students have 357s...yep, Mel, I'm starting to re-think this. I'm 5'3" on a tall day. But then, I do have my razor sharp wit and keen intellect to help me...??? College jobs are only part time, fyi.

Back to YOU...forget about the non-supportive friends. I do stand up comedy and the gig that got me the most work was my set on MLCs and WAHs and just how the whole lying thing becomes a sacrifice of THEIRS (as in "I wanted to tell you...but I didn't want to hurt you" OMG- PLEASE DO NOT MAKE LYING A NOBLE DEED) But my friend here saw zero humor and kept harping on the pain and darkness of it all.... and said I was using humor as "a coping mechanism for pain" YA THINK???? (well that's b/c beating the crap out of old people wasn't working for me anymore)...geez, isn't this happening to ME??? But But But... often there's a button in them that your sitch is pushing...

So as to your point about friends supporting you---My best friend here has not slept with her h for a couple years and they're too religious to divorce while the kids are young. So I had to listen to THIS expert tell me I was effectively being a slut & and being used....(I bit my tongue so often with her b/c I think she meant well, but reeeeaallllllyyyy )

so I finally said, "I don't know a man in the world who'll come back home b/c of the great sex he NEVER had..." and that helped her stay quiet PLUS I said, "this is a really personal decision and I think if I were to say "no" with finality b/c that is what h "deserves" then it would sound PUNITIVE to me...and that is not coming from a place of love." (And where does it get you? Fine, if you know you want a divorce. But as a tactic to reconciling it sure seems counter-intuitive to me).

Your friends are of two minds and only one is healthy; one type of friend wants you to set and enforce a healthy boundary and that friend is being healthy and thinking healthy and it's a good thing to do that.

The other friend wants you to punish your h, and feels your h "deserves" to be punished and though they may have a point, that is more about being "right/self righteous" and not about you being happy AND it's not your job to punish your h. Let God decide what he deserves and by the way, what do YOU deserve? You sound like a w who wants another round with H to really see if you can create a new, healthy and happier m with.....how is that a bad thing? But yes, the m you have now or did have, does have to end. I think you both know that part.

My pride comment was related to those types of people. And your h. He has had his pride very hurt (as have you) but for men and I KNOW THIS IS SEXIST but here it comes anyhow...for men, the whole sex act is partly a contest about performance.

So their pride gets hurt and gets in the way, and your h does have a temper and is a pouter anyhow. Which means he has little (and big) tantrums, as you are discovering. Sometimes he wants to hurt you and he acts on that. That ain't okay and it ain't healthy. But I think his mom IS telling him more than you know, as far as telling him to shape up, etc. She is likely telling him to stop whining about the A's if he is having one with OW, and even if he isn't, it sure looks bad. You know, dust yourself off buddy, move on. But yes, you also put your pride aside. As did I. If you had told me 5 years ago that I would put up with what I put up with (and some days I'm not sure I was right) and we'd still be M, I'd have said no way.

But that was my pride talking. You do have children to consider and if you can forgive, BOTH of you, and re-commit to your m, then your children will learn a great lesson. You'll leave them a legacy of what committment means, and unconditional love, and forgiveness which is always, always a part of true love and every lengthy marriage I know of. There was some heavy duty forgiveness going on at some point. Maybe, just maybe, You'll learn to see each other thru God's eyes. (That one part of the movie "Bruce Almighty" was truly poignant). OTOH, If you remain married in this craziness and the sadistic stuff keeps happening, you'll teach them a very different lesson. Yes, it IS about the kids. (Which = you too).

As Jackie Kennedy said regarding raising her children, "IF I screw that up, then nothing else I do will ever matter very much..." and I know in my heart that I'd never be able to look in a mirror if I had to think I'd done wrong by the kids for weak or selfish reasons...we do have to live with our choices. So far, I can honestly say I did what I thought was best for them. They know their place in my heart, and that's all I can do right now. BUT, the real dilemma, as you now know, is finding that line between the healthy boundary setting, and being punitive. There may be some overlap. I don't know. I DO know that at some point, one of 3 things will happen; a) it'll be obvious to you that it's over and you cannot ml with him and be a healthy woman OR, b) it'll be obvious that you are moving closer to each other and THAT will mean, by definition, that ow is out of the picture. c) If the gray area in between continues, then it'll be obvious that something unhealthy is happening. Make sense? Nothing else for me to do or say on that note.

Except for finding another plumber...gotta go, good luck!

Also, Mel, on the teaching thing-- seriously, how bad can it be for me to go to a "low income" school if they mean the ghetto, which they do....? I mean, my h is totally opposed to this. And sometimes I'm a little afraid myself. (And check for my email from faithfulh or brandnewday cuz they have it).

(( j ))