I know a lot of you think that the one who wants out, should get out.
I don't. That is only something we tell the BS so that they don't get walked on. In your case, I support that you should stay and he should leave. The problem you may have though, is that this type of man almost always wants the opposite of what the woman wants. If you say you want him to leave, then he will argue that he wants you to leave.
My guess is that you should take the approach that he can stay and you WILL go. That it is SOOOOO important to you and you are so serious that you are GLAD to go. I hope you are that serious.
I am concerned about a couple of things you have said.
Quote:
Last night I just asked H, "are you sleeping on the couch, or am I" he said he would.
Why are you ASKING him what he wants? These are still small signs that you are "allowing" him control. So, if he tells you that you are sleeping on the couch, YOU WILL??? These are subtle and small signs of someone that has been so controlled that they even ask them what they want after telling them they want a separation.
I suggest that you become more decisive.. "I AM sleeping on the couch" (leave the word "tonight" out because this should be indefinite now because of your new stance)(I don't think it would be wise to tell an abuser that he IS sleeping on the couch, but at least you come across decisive and not passive by TELLING him what you ARE doing)
If he argues with you and says, "no I will sleep on the couch", then tell him, that's fine. Then drop it.
Quote:
I was up pretty late thinking...... With his new business venture he's been leaving the house around 10 am, I could come over then, be at our house for the whole day when our youngest is on track break/spring break, all those year round school breaks..... and then when every one is in school, I could come over in the afternoon when the kids are getting home, stay with them through dinner, then tuck them in bed at 9 pm, & leave. He normally gets home around 6:30 or 7, so we'll only be together about 2 hours.
smartcookie, The above quote again sounds to me somewhat undecisive and wavering. It certainly isn't anything close to being separated. Take the kids with you and find another place. You can't show him you are serious with the above approach. It still gives him power over you. It is almost as if you have gotten kicked out and have to sneak in when he isn't home. Not good...
You need to show him and I think yourself that you are willing to do whatever it takes. If he won't move, then you WILL. End of story.
Find a way. Find a place. Get a job. Go to your moms. Be creative. I guess I don't understand why you seem to always let him out of making any tough decisions. You need to be decisive and do what you have to do for YOU.
