WAW - yet another one

[confusedinpa]

Last nite I tried to give her a little more space.

When she came home I gave her a hug and a kiss on the check.

We had a nice dinner where we talked/chatted a little while. I tried my best to validate her emotions as she talked about her day, but I'm still trying to figure out what that meant.

She's coming down with a cold again - it's been hard the last 4 weeks, between her ear infection (2 weeks of antibiotics that hurt her stomach everynite), stomach bug (3-4 days in the bathroom) and a couple of days of really bad cramps for her monthly cycle.

I started to take the kids up to get them ready for bed (bath, brush teeth and change). She asked if I wanted her to help with one, I told her she can just rest and relax since she was sick since I wanted her to feel better. She laid down on the recliner with a blanket, I asked if she wanted some tea, but she declined. After I got down from getting them ready, I joked that I was surprise that she was still awake (it was 7:30). She smiled and tossed out that she was thinking about taking a bath. I told her that sounds like a nice idea that could also help her relax.

She came down from the bath more relaxed and feeling a little better. She used the bath salts I had gotten her for Xmas (before she made the announcement on Jan 2nd that she had seen a lawyer, and wound up signing on Jan 9th). She said she liked them as there were salts and rose pedals. I told her I was really glad she liked them.

We wound up watching Lost that nite. I was also feeling a little run down (fighting a cold) so I told her that I would only stay up for 1 Episode (we usually watch 2). She agreed. We sat on separate couches as I was trying to give her space. We talked/chatted intermittenly during the show. At the end of the nite, we went up to bed. She got ready first. When I went to bed, I gave her a kiss on the check goodnite. We chatted again lightly and we fell asleep - with the pillow between us again (I really hate that pillow).

We had talked about the pillow in the first week or 2 of my panic week. She said it was always there, just that I didn't notice. I couldn't aruge with her, but I could have sworn she would put it on the floor a few times.

Anyway, this morning, she seemed more distant. I got ready first since she wasn't feeling well so she could get an extra 20 minutes of sleep. When I was ready, I went to her side of the bed and we talked a little about how her cold was feeling. I tried to empathize and rubbed her arm lightly. I gave her a kiss on the check again and told her I wished she felt better. When she got up, she gave me a light hug. When I stopped hugging, she asked if I could crack her back, so I hugged her tightly again.

When I left his morning, I gave her another quick hug and kiss on the check and said goodbye.

I think I'm going sit next to her tonite to watch the show as I think that by me not sitting next to her, it may be confusing her. She had made a comment during the counseling session that she recognizes and is proud of my changes, but she just can't see beyond the pain I caused her. She also commented that if I ever "slip up", which she would expect would happen as everyone is human, that it would make her "flip out". As one of the issues that she had brought out is that when we watch shows before, I didn't pay attention to her or use that time to make/maintain connections.

That's why I think sitting next to her, with no touching, hugs or kisses, will at least make it a little "connected". In the past I had sat next to her with a lot of touching that she didn't like. Figure this could be a good balance. Anyone want to chime in on that thought?