But coddling the WAS is not the way to go either. I have set boundaries. It has not been easy. It is hard to tell your spouse no when you want to say yes. But if you had a child, would you tell them yes all the time?
It is the same thing.
Right again.
The best you can hope to be is an example. Of at least self-respect and family values (no matter how late they might have been to show up - and now that you are aware, you represent that awareness). Your spouse may never notice. You shouldn't be "posturing" in the hopes that they will because that is just strategy and it won't keep. You have to dig deep, change yourself and then you stand. If they come back great. If not, well you're still better than you used to be - and on top of that, now you're a survivor.
